Week 29 postpartum: Reality check. Saggy boobs. Poorly baby.

It’s a sobering reminder your body has gone south (quite literally) since having a baby when you catch yourself in a car window and it’s not a stretch of the imagination to think you could do knees up with your own saggy ass boobs. Just as I’ve written about mourning your old life – I most definitely mourn my pre-baby body. Some days I don’t care that my hips are still so wide I can’t get my skinny jeans over them - or my boobs look like spaniel ears. I know I am incredibly lucky. I never forget that. But other times I catch a glimpse of myself in a car window and I get a bit upset. And I look at photos of my body before Rafe and I think I’ll never look like that again. I know I'm not overweight but its just things aren't quite in the right place anymore. I know some women snap back into shape after giving birth, some without needing to do much, some have to try a lot harder, some never lose a lot of the weight. And some look better after baby. I guess I naively thought that I would bounce back - but my hips don't lie. It’s undeniable it’s incredible to be pregnant and have a baby. But at the same time - wouldn’t mind my boobs back. Or for my tummy to not look like a bag of sand.

My heart.

So after the window reflection incident and mini meltdown, I went for my first run in a long time with my friend and was close to needing an ambulance. But it’s a start. I just go through stages of really wanting to get back into running and doing more exercise. To then not caring and eating a full pack of custard creams. I just do miss being fit and being able to run without passing out. I think what I need is a goal. So I’m going on my first proper girls' night at the end of June to Bongo Bingos in Newcastle (I am so excited!) and I'd rather not wear a nursing top or need to worry about giving myself a black eye with my spaniel ears while dancing. So I’m thinking of aiming to get comfortably into one of my favourite dresses. To be able to catch my reflection in the mirror and not cry. (Slightly dramatic I know.) So I’m going to try and start running more – maybe download a fitness app that I’ve been threatening to do for months and not empty the biscuit tin everyday. I've already started on the biscuit tin this morning so I’ll let you know how I get on...Has anyone got a recommendation for a good fitness app?

Rafe has been poorly this week and we actually had to take him to hospital just to get checked over. He’s just got a cold and a cough which was the GP’s main concern. I think with his heart, he was just being extra cautious sending him to get checked out by a paediatrician, but he’s just got a vital infection. He’s fine within himself really, just sounds horrendous when he coughs and was a little worrying having to be at hospital again but he's a little champ and feeling better!

He’s been a bit off his food (not milk) so when I tried doing more baby-led weaning the other day (porridge fingers) he wasn’t a fan. And basically the dog had porridge for breakfast as it all ended up on the floor. Think I’ll just stick with the purée for now and when he’s better start him on more finger foods. It’s difficult as I feel like I know how much he’s getting when he’s having what I make purée wise for him and I don’t feel like he’d actually eat much if he was feeding himself, but know they say milk is still the most important food for now. Who knows? It's a minefield. Will just do a bit of trial and error for now and my dog will continue to hoover up any food going spare.

Nap update: Still a 30 minute King and now he can take up to half and hour to fall asleep in the pushchair so I am basically walking 500 miles a day to get him to sleep. So winning on the nap front as always!

Best go. My husband is really hungover so I need him to feel the rage.

​Faye x

P.s Sorry if I haven't replied to any messages - will do so ASAP!