I had a clogged milk duct this week which was a joy. The last one I had I was able to massage out but this was a stubborn motherfucker. So I was panicking thinking it could get infected, trying all sorts. Massage, hot compress...then I read on a forum for mums that if you get on all fours and dangle your boob in baby's mouth to nurse - gravity will help out. No joke. Well I tried it. For a few minutes...but one, I haven't exercised in over two months so how on earth someone can hold their body like that, while holding their breast in place is a hero or an Olympian. Two, it feels ridiculous - especially when your baby is looking at you with a slightly traumatised look and your husband is laughing beside you and taking photos. And three - I REALLY felt like a cow. Did it work? Well I managed five minutes and my husband got a good fifty photos. I mean if it's worked for you - great - but I think I might give that mum's forum a miss from now on....
As well as milk duct drama, which is still on going to be honest, (Please can I get some advice on how to get these out and prevent them? So painful at the moment. I think it's because Rafe is going longer in the night some nights, but then up all night the next few nights so my boobs don't know what's going on. So I have confused boobs as my SIL put it. Really suffering today and currently lying down with a hot water bottle on my boob. Really REALLY don't want to get mastitis - help!!!) we've been going through a Wonder Week. Signs your baby is going through this include - Clinginess, Crankiness and Crying. So really great stuff. Let me tell you there's nothing fucking wonderful about them. Okay, I take that back as it means Rafe has reached a milestone and a leap forward in his development. He's been smiling away, kicking his little legs all day long. Honestly melts my heart. But along with that he's been extremely whiny - especially on the boob. Crying, coming off, crying. Won't be put down. No naps during the day. Just pretty exhausting really. I downloaded the Wonder Week app which is great as tells you all about your baby's development and what to expect. Good news...There are also sunny weeks apparently! I can't wait for those...I'm hoping him not going down for a nap is just due to his leap in development but would appreciate any help to get him down. We've normally been letting him sleep downstairs but want to try and get into a routine (wishful thinking) and get him upstairs for nap time. I'm looking for the signs (yawning, rubbing eyes), shushing him, putting him down but as soon as he's down he's wide awake. Just won't settle at all. So at night he's a treat. So overtired and difficult to settle. I literally have been putting my head into the pillow and screaming. Dramatic I know.
My husband and I had our first date night since Rafe arrived. I say date and I say night but it was three hours in the afternoon between feeds. It's been tough on us both these past few weeks and with not living close to our parents, we haven't had time to slip away for an hour or so to spend time on our own. In the nine weeks since Rafe has graced this earth, we've been out for a 45-minute walk together alone - and a trip to the supermarket. So wild. And real quality time together. It sounds silly to say this but we both miss each other. And I should be and I am so so so grateful I've had him home as he was due to be away for the first six weeks, which would have been a laugh a minute. But I hardly see him. He'll go to work and then as soon as he gets in, I'll go out with the dog for a quick walk and a break. Then I'll try and eat something before bath time depending on whether Rafe needs feeding again. Chris normally does bath time while I get my pj's on and sorted for the evening feeds. Rafe is still feeding constantly from about 6.30 to between 8-9pm. I used to sit in darkness to try and keep everything quiet and calm for Rafe but then I think I started to lose the plot a little. So I put my headphones on and watch Netflix. A whole new meaning to Netflix and chill. Once Rafe has had enough, Chris then comes up to wind and settle him while I try and either eat or have a cup of tea downstairs. Then I try and stay up but I'm normally so tired I head to bed. Chris will stay in our room till the first night feed and then go into the other room to get some sleep if he's got work the next day. So I don't think we've had a proper conversation or chill out time in a long time to be honest. I really miss our evenings on the sofa watching crap TV. You really don't realise how much a baby will impact even the smallest of things (sofa time) - and the biggest, (your marriage). My whole focus is Rafe which I know is Chris's too but it can be quite all consuming for the mum I think. Well for me anyway. Not in a bad way but like nobody else really matters. Sometimes I'm having conversation with someone and won't even be listening because I'll be thinking about Rafe's next feed, how he's slept, my confused boobs. Even when we were out I was worrying about him. But had a lovely meal which we hoovered up in seconds and wait for it.....I had my first glass of wine!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD. After a lot of research and talking to other mums who have breastfed, I know one glass will not do any harm as long as I spaced it out between feeds and I wasn't eye balling vodka or having tequila shots (the dream). Did I enjoy it? Yes - and no. I was so worried (still) about having just one that I didn't finish it and drank four pints of water alongside it. 😂 So a really relaxing glass of wine. Just what I needed....The quicker he can try and take a bottle of my expressed milk the better. But he just out right refuses a bottle. (Give me a break son!) But getting back to the date afternoon - it was lovely. Just can't quite remember the times where we'd be doing nothing on a Friday night, chilling on the sofa and turn to each other and say shall we go out? Then regret going out the next day as I wake up with crisp packets on my face and a hangover from hell - those were the glory days.
Finally, enough of my moaning - or shall we just say honesty...? Had such an amazing response to my last blog about breastfeeding. Reading all your comments made me quite emotional. Just so good to know people can relate to what I'm writing and hopefully I am helping in some way. But if any of you can solve my milk duct, non-napping baby who won't take a bottle and reassure me one glass of wine is okay - that would be great!
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.