I knew it was going to be a difficult morning, dropping Rafe off for nursery for the first time but when I had to fill in a little book, with one of the questions saying, ‘Who are Rafe’s best friends?’ it took a lot to hold back the snots and tears in-front of the (very lovely) nursery staff. I just wanted to write in bold – I’M HIS BEST FRIEND. ME! I know what makes him happy, sad, laugh, excited. I know when he wants feeding. When he wants a cuddle. When he wants to play. I know him more than anyone. I just wanted to whisk him away but when I saw the other babies playing, all the toys, the lovely nursery staff - and Rafe just instantly rolling around the floor loving life, I knew I had to leave and he would be looked after. With it being is first day, it was just a case of seeing how he got on, we didn’t expect him to do the full day so all morning I was expecting a call to say I had to come get him. But at 11am I got a text saying he had settled well and was having his lunch and he had also had a nap. What?! Who are these wizards?!!! It was such a relief to know he was doing okay. My friend summed it up well when she said leaving your baby with strangers, especially if they are upset, goes against all your instincts. However much you know they will be looked after and how much they will grow to love their time there and the nursery staff, it’s still incredibly hard. Especially that first day. And the next few times will be emotional I’m sure. I know how much Rafe can get quite shy and cling to me when he sees new people so I was flabbergasted when they rang at 3pm (he will normally stay till 4.30ish after work) to say they thought he had done enough for the day as had woke from another nap (wizards) and was a little upset I wasn’t there when he woke up. But when I got there, I walked in the room and he was just playing with some toys, looking content. He did his little arm shake he does when he gets excited, when he saw me (tears and snot) and gave me a big hug. They said he had been amazing for his first day and had been happy, it was just when he woke up they thought he had enough, which is understandable. They said they had done some singing, which he had loved, which again made me want to cry - happy tears though. So although slightly traumatic for me, Rafe was an actual legend. I know it was only his first day and it is going to take some time for him to settle – and me to get used to it, but I know that this little day every week with other babies, who will become his best pals, and the lovely staff, will be good for him. So if you are worried about the first drop off – turns out, your baby is actually a stronger, braver person than you.
We have moved into our new house yesterday. It’s been all hands on deck this week, with my husband and family being absolute heroes to get the house sorted. I’ve been at work but trying to do some cleaning in the evenings so as you can probably tell – have been slightly stressed. What with still getting used to being back at work, Rafe’s first day at nursery and moving home – it’s been a few weeks of wanting to open at bottle of wine at 11am. (Who my kidding – 10am.) But we’ve got there! And Rafe slept in his own room for the first time last night, which again, more for me was quite a big step and emotional. (I think sometimes these big milestones are harder for us than our babies.) At first it takes time to get used to baby’s breathing and snoring and wriggling around – then it becomes a comfort. And that Ewan the sheep has literally got me to sleep for 11 months’ – I genuinely need one for my room now. So I cried last night. Obviously. I’m just going to miss him lying next to in his cot. Miss his little snores. It was particularly emotional as hardly slept this week as Rafe is teething and has a cold so he a been up every two hours which has been marvellous. So last night was just the same – but was even worse as he was obviously unsettled. So it was all kind of emotional. But I’m sure it will get better....please.
A super short (but sweet I hope) blog post this week as had to quickly write this between cleaning our new house, dreaming of wine, work, Rafe cuddles and washing horse shit off my dog.
P.s And sorry for taking so long to reply to messages/not replied yet - I will!
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.