Week 42 postpartum: The mental load. Sleep success. Leap 7.

“I carry the mental load of our baby. I know when he’s hungry, tired or needs a bath.” Constance Hall said in a post this week and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Rafe, my husband and I were out and about and I had forgot his cup.
“You didn’t pack his cup?," said my husband.
“NO, DID YOU?!” (I said with a few Fs in-between.)
“No, you’re in charge of Rafe.” And although he was half joking…he is kind of right. And I’m not bashing dads or my husband here (he’s an amazing dad) – but it made me think of all the other “injustices” as Constance calls them, you notice when you have a baby and those #livingourbestlife red rage moments. The ARE YOU ACTUALLY A REAL PERSON? moments' that make you question why you actually like your husband. I’ve spent many an hour with my friends talking about these moments, “he said what?”, “are you serious?”, “I would have saw the red rage." So I asked my friends – and you, about some of your red rage moments – just to make sure I wasn’t alone and didn’t actually just need anger management counselling. And there are some corkers! And dads - we do love you all really, you're pretty fabulous - most of the time...And I’m sure you could all write a novel about us….(These aren’t all my husband – just the first one!!)

• "Okay, I’ll sacrifice the gym this weekend – just this once.” SACRIFICE. SACRIFICE. LOOK AT ME! I’LL SHOW YOU BLINKING SACRIFICE.
• “So I'm babysitting tonight?” WHAT? YOU ARE GOING TO BABYSIT YOUR OWN BABY?
• “WHAT? I can’t look after both kids – AT THE SAME TIME.”
• "I walked in after being out, kids fighting downstairs, dishes in sink, poo still in potty, husband upstairs on his phone…"
• Kids fighting: “Erm, can you discipline them please?”
• "Just going to pop to the pub after work for a quick pint.” And miss bedtime….
• "So when am I going to get a break today?” ERM. NEVER.
• “Just popping out for ten minutes.” Five hours later.
• “Well I’m sorry, but I do like to have a lie-in at the weekend after being at work all week.”
• “If I do the early morning feed I won’t be able to watch TV in peace. It’s my morning ritual…”
• "When baby was two weeks old, he invited people round to watch a football match and said we 'need to socialise'."
• "Husband asked after post-section: 'So do you think you’re pretty swollen down there or is that you now?'"
• “Did she wake up last night?”
• “Can I go back to bed, I’m really tired….”
• And my all-time favourite.... “I was ‘allowed’ to have a lie-in once and my husband went downstairs and gave the kids quavers for breakfast as he was too tired to put cereal into a bowl."

The list could go on....We salute you all. Good job we love you. You’re heroes really.

Been loving the weather this week – though I don’t want to say, “it’s just too hot…” but babies and heat do not mix. Nor do boobies. Boobies and heat do not mix. Hello sweaty under-boob. Rafe’s sleep (thankfully) hasn’t been affected too much by the heat – and dare I say it, at night, he has been doing some canny stretches. And some nights, I have been putting him down and he has gone straight to sleep. Don’t worry – I’m not gloating – some nights he has screamed blue murder (teething you are a mother trucker). And the other night I had to cuddle him to sleep. On Wednesday night he went from 7.30 till 4.30, had a feed and then up at 7. And then on Thursday night he slept through!!!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL??? But then Friday night he really unsettled. But hey – I’m not complaining! I wish I could say I am doing something particular to get him to do these stretches but I'm not really. (Sorry, not very helpful I know.) All I have been doing is making sure he is sleepy when I put him down. So I know some baby books say you must put down awake so they can self-settle but Rafe ain’t going to ever go down wide-awake unless a miracle happens. So I boobie feed him, or give him a little cuddle to make sure his eyes are heavy – then put him down. So he is half asleep/half awake, so that seems to work. I call it the "do whatever works for you" technique and it seems to be doing the trick...for now!

After being less stressed about naps (I honestly have!) and accepting that Rafe will probably just do 2x30 naps a day, I do feel so much better and less nap obssessed. I mean, I’m still walking a marathon most days but I have a canny t-shirt tan. Think I might try putting some toys in his cot when I know he’s really tired, see if he will just play with them and self-settle without screaming blue murder. I mean, it’s not going to happen but still worth a try right?....

Rafe’s always been quite good if I just nip out the room and not really been fussed, as long as he’s entertained but this week, even if I literally am out of the room for a second, he screams. Like really, really cries. He’s fine when someone else is there – but he’s just not happy at all for me to leave. (Good timing before I go back to work…) Turns out he is going through ANOTHER leap. Seriously – hasn’t he just been going through one? And this leap (leap 7) is where babies show more attachment behavior so explains it really. Is anyone else experiencing this?

He’s still rolling around and turning in circles so think it’s going to be a while until he crawls. Although not wishing time away. Many of you have said that once they are on the move – it’s eyes in back of head time!

Anyway, best be off. 8 mile walk to go on...

Faye x