Week 37 postpartum: The first hangover, fussy feeding, who needs sleep?

So after working out I hadn’t been on a girl's night or had more than a couple of wines since December 2016 (horrendous as my friend said when I told her this), I thought it was about time I let my hair down. Before I headed out, I was saying I was going to pace myself, I wasn’t going to mix drinks – and to be a little bit sensible. However, a few hours into the night, this was me: “shots, shots, shots!” while dancing on the table doing the Macarena. Was flipping brilliant! The hangover though. Wow. Just wow. I haven’t missed those. But what was new, was this time I had one of the top three hangovers of all time – with a baby. There are no words. No words.

So despite the horrific hangover, Bingo Bongos was amazing! It was such a good night. I felt a bit self-conscious as wasn't in a baggy nursing top and I was nervous about leaving Rafe, especially as he would have to take a bottle (his MAM cup) during the night and for his first feed in the morning (I expressed when he woke up at 7am). ​It was also the first time I wasn’t there to settle him at night. (I slept on the sofa so I didn’t disturb him.) But he had one feed around 4am and my husband said he just held the cup and he fed himself and there was no tears. Same in the morning. YES RAFE! So that was a huge relief. He also slept quite well suprise, suprise. And although I kept saying those immortal words – “I’m never drinking again,” it was so good to be out with friends, dancing on tables – with make-up on, a normal bra and clothes that didn't have baby sick on them. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mum – but I think all mums (and dads) deserve a night off. I’ve wrote before about how you mourn your old life in those early weeks and for me there have been times where I just didn’t feel very fun anymore. Your baby becomes your world – quite rightly so, but I think it’s important to let your hair down once in a while - and not feel guilty about it. You don’t necessarily have to be drunk dancing on tables - although would recommend! I think it was good for Rafe too – and his dad as Chris has never really been alone with Rafe for more than a couple of hours, I’m always there telling him what to do...so he had a night – and although I was feeding him on Saturday, Chris also took him for the day so I could sleep with my head in the toilet between feeds (living my best life). So they had a boys day, which they both loved. And I think it was good for him to see that it can be hard at times. Equally hard was getting over this hangover. I didn’t even drink a lot – just obviously can only get mum drunk now - and one, I'm sadly not 21 anymore and two, it's been a while. Won't be leaving it as long next time but might not scream shots, shots, shots all night.

As I mentioned last week, Rafe’s been poorly with a viral rash. Has taken him just over a week to recover. He’s refusing all naps so he’s pretty much back to his old self! We took him to his first swimming lesson two weeks ago and he cried and cried and cried (I wish I’d taken him sooner now but I’ve been assured it will take a bit of time but he will learn to love it) and was really quite whingy all day, which was unlike him - and he was more tired than normal. He woke up the following day and had a really high temperature and a rash that seemed to get worse and worse as the day went on so I made a doctor's appointment. He fell asleep on me for about two hours in the afternoon and then when he woke up he was red hot to touch and he started to do these little jolts, like he was getting a shock, which was really quite frightening to be honest. And being on my own it was even more scary. My mum and dad were away but luckily my husband was working close-by that week so he was able to come back and we were able to get him to hospital. He was monitored and we had to try and get a wee sample from him which actually lightened the mood as we basically had to try catch his wee in a cup. Which should be an Olympic sport, that my husband would most definetely not win gold medal for. So in a nutshell, we ended up with wee all over us. Thankfully we didn’t have to stay in hospital and were told Rafe had a viral infection. The little jolts are called rigor and are common in young children with high temperatures but you can’t not panic. He pretty much slept on me for a week and just wasn’t himself but he’s full of beans again. I’m told that once he goes to playgroup it will be a constant stream of viruses – which I guess is good for their immune system but not so fun for baby or parents . But we are all okay! Thank you for everyone's messages. ❤

As I said, the no nap King is back. When he was poorly, he would literally cuddle in and be asleep in minutes, although I couldn't really do anything, it was actually lovely to get those cuddles. And when he was in the pram, he’d be straight asleep and his naps were at least an hour long. I knew it was because he was poorly but kind of hoped he would miraculously start napping longer – but no. So much so, somedays he is up at 5.30am which is just wonderful (can’t get him back to sleep unless I feed him or bring into bed with me. One day he just kicked me in the back for an hour, that was fun) and not nap until late in the afternoon. Or it would be his normal three 30 minute naps. Bedtime has once again become an absolute battle to get him down, so self-settling feels like it never even happened. And nights have been pretty rough too, multiple wake-ups and he is feeding again more through the night. I don't think it helps that we are going through leap 6, a sleep regression and teething – though he has finally cut his first tooth. Yey! Though pray for my nipples. I feel like all these TV programmes and films where the mum just puts her baby to bed and they just shut their eyes and go to sleep should come with a footnote to say: THIS WILL RARELY FUCKING, IF EVER HAPPEN. Another mum has recommended getting in touch with a woman who sounds like a baby sleep miracle worker (probably not the right job title) so I might see how I get on next week and maybe contact her. Other people have recommended the Cheshire baby whisper – has anyone had any success? And what is the basic idea behind it? Being cheap and not wanting to get the book quite yet as I could open a bottle and baby sleep book shop!! As I approach going back to work, I just worry that my parents, Chris’s mum and people at playgroup won’t be able to walk 8 miles a day to get him to sleep so I need to try and at least half crack one nap. Please!

Going to try and drop a feed again and replace with formula next week/drop the lunch time feed– just hope my boobies can cope and I don’t get mastitis again as that will just be the icing on the cake. Rafe’s been really fussy food wise but think it’s just because he’s been poorly. Or maybe he's just going through a fussy stage. He’s just wanted boobie milk, finger food and fruit puree or yoghurt. I’m still a bit worried about what I’m giving him and portion wise. Still doing a mix of mashed up food and finger foods but don’t know whether to just go totally baby-led. Just wanting some ideas of what everyone gives for the three meals – both if you’re doing similar to me and also if baby-led. Can I see some photos too? I just worry he’s not getting enough food and will massively help to see what other people are doing – thank you! Do you ever not stress about everything?!

Rafe's fully into grabbing mode and I swear I’ll be bald by the time he’s one. He's actually really strong and bloody hurts! I read that he should start understanding basic commands like no but he just laughs at the moment so I think he’s going to be a right little tinker. I think it’s going to be payback for me being an absolute teenage nightmare for my parents.

Anyway, best go and eat my way out of this two day hangover....

Faye x