Week 34 postpartum: Back to square one. Boobie break. Solid confusion. You see me rolling...

I feel as soon as I pressed post on my blog last week raving about sleeping through the night - Rafe was almost waiting to go: “I’m going to have your life now mum.” We’ve had total nap refusals where he’s only had one catnap all day. Walking miles in the heat in inappropriate clothing, (how can it be cold one minute, then boiling the next? Welcome to England) screaming matches at bedtime and no repeat of sleeping through the night. Did I actually dream he slept through and napped in his cot? I shouldn’t complain as at least it happened once (I think) – but haway man son, sort it out will you? I texted my husband who has been away for a few weeks and said: “YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING WHEN YOU GET BACK.” Apart from breastfeed – but wouldn’t that be marvellous if he could? So he was obviously excited to come home. But it’s not all negative Nancy this week. Rafe is rolling all over the place after seeming to forget how to do it. Go on son! (And the fun begins!) And I’m sure he said “mama” earlier. So just when the little tinker has you round the bend, he does something to make your heart scream with joy. He did follow it by doing a stinking turd but who said having kids was easy?

Rafe’s got yet another cold and cough so I don’t think that has helped with the sleeping. He was up at 4.30 the other night and would not go back to sleep, which was a treat. Last night, he would not settle for hours afer I fed him at 1am. And then the other morning he woke at 5 and I couldn’t get him back to sleep so I breastfed him, then at around 6.30 he fell back to sleep in my bed. But my mum before she went to work at 7.30 knocked on the door to make sure we were okay and woke Rafe up. Thoughtful - but WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING? But then the other night he slept from 11-4, had a feed then up at 7. So that was a good night. So very much a hit or miss week. Been trying the pick up put down method to settle at night and had some successes – but other times I’ve ended up feeding him to sleep as he just wouldn’t settle at all. But going to persevere with it because when it works it works! I've kept trying to get him down in the cot for the morning nap but the most he has done is 30 minutes – which is still good as at least he’s going to sleep in his cot. He’s settled himself a couple of time – but the other times it's been after at least 30/40 minutes of doing the method and whispering under my breath FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. And the other day he just didn’t nap at all – apart from 30 minutes. I tried cot, pram for almost two hours, back to cot and he just kept blowing raspberries at me. Which was cute but he was wrecked by bedtime. So I hope my post last week did give people hope (it happened once – it will happen again), but I’m well and truly still in the catnap, little sleep club so I’m raising a pint of tequila to you also in the club.

So after exclusively breastfeeding for almost eight months, minus the one successful attempt with a bottle and numerous tries but massive failures after, Rafe has been amazing with taking milk from the MAM starter cup. Any guilt I may have (stupid guilt as know there is nothing wrong with giving formula) has been replaced with relief. Don’t get me wrong, I love breastfeeding but it’s a relief to know that by the time I’ve gone back to work, I should hopefully be able to do combi feeding. So this week I tried dropping a breastfeed (10am feed normally, but have done the lunchtime feed one day) and replaced with formula. I actually went for lunch with a friend and didn’t have to worry about getting my wabs out in the bar and was able to have one glass of wine – during the day! Was flipping marvellous. Now that’s what maternity leave is all about! (And looking after your child of course.) ​Although I don't know whether to get too excited as I thought my boobs had adjusted well to the dropped feed but woke up yesterday morning in pain and can feel a blocked milk duct so having to massage, massage, massage and nurse more so having to breastfeed all feeds again. I have made an appointment at a walk in centre today as pretty sure it has turned into mastitis as in a lot of pain. Fucking marvellous. So kind of feel like I'm back to square one.

I’ve started introducing more finger food and not blending his food as much to add texture, which Rafe seems to be fine with. I made spag bog with baby pasta and he was a bit unsure at first but wolved it down. He absolutely loves toast (I cut into soldiers) and these organic banana biscuits which I dip in fruit puree. But I have absolutely know idea whether I’m feeding him the right amount – or if I should be feeding him more. Whether I should be adding more protein, fat, carbs...I roughly follow a guide in Annabelle Karmel's book but I had a panic that I should be doing more with his food. Don’t ask me what I mean by this – I just had a panic I was doing it wrong! But as he’s getting older and I’m thinking he may need to drop a milk feed as he is literally a tank, how much food should I be giving him? I use those food ice cube trays so normally one portion of that per meal. So an example day would be: breakfast – half a Weetabix with banana and cows milk and normally he has a crust to dip in, lunch – lentil puree and a fruit puree with an organic rice cake thingy, tea – spag bog and a chunk of cucumber to suck on and a yogurt. And all his milk feeds on top of that and now he's eating three meals a day, I don't know whether that's excessive. Or is it not enough? Or do I up the quantity of solids I'm giving and try to drop the lunch feed? Help!

Has anyone else’s baby become an absolute ninja when feeding? He’s always been quite nosy when feeding which is another reason I don’t feel confident feeding in public as he literally whips off my nipple and the whole world gets eyes on. But now he’s literally doing summersaults, twisting around , chatting away- it’s literally a struggle to keep him still! The only feeds he stays still is the one before bed and during the night. I presume it only gets worse when they get older?!

From all that worry about Rafe not rolling over, I literally looked away on Friday and he was half way across the room. Someone said that would happen - blink and he's rolling all over! Need eyes in the back of my head now. This is when the real fun starts isn't it? So proud of the little man but also scary how fast he is growing up. Where's my teeny baby gone?

Only two more weekends till Bongo Bingos (I need to sort my hair out) - also known as the first time I will be drunk since December 2016. No joke. Can't wait!!! Are you excited to hear how I handle a hangover?! Me either..

Until next week...

Faye x