Songs to sum up 21 weeks postpartum.... 🎶 "Pressure. Will you ever sleep? Pressure. When I can't take a wee. Pressure. In case I wake you up. Pressure. Will you ever sleep? 🎶 🎶 "Every nap you take, every 30 minutes you wake, I'll be watching you." 🎶 🎶 "Tonight, I'm drinking from the bottle."🎶 Oh, and I don't know whether there is a song lyric I can change for losing my actual mind over naps and sleep routines - but I certainly have this week. So basically, for my own sanity - I have decided I need to calm the {insert appropriate word} down. So, basically this week, I have almost lost the plot over nap times, trying to enforce new sleep and feeding schedules, self-soothing and the four month fucking sleep regression. I knew I needed to have a word with myself when I had finally got Rafe back to sleep during his lunchtime nap by shushing him, praying and lying next to him on my bed. I was desperate for a wee and for one split second, I thought I was going to have to wet myself, rather than move and wake Rafe up. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD - PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER WOMAN!!! I said to myself. Quietly of course. Then I went to the loo. And Rafe woke up. 😩 I have never felt this stressed out since those early breastfeeding weeks when I was really struggling. I'm just exhausted. The stress and constant googling about sleep schedules and worrying about how much he should be sleeping, has been on another level this week. I just got myself all upset (hormones, exhaustion, my personality) after I had tried to enforce a two hour nap (attempted the Little Ones programme this week) - which Rafe had taken 90 minutes to fall asleep for and then only slept for 30 minutes in the end. There were lots of tears. After talking to friends and other mums. And being locked in the house for a few days. (Snow and trying to enforce a new routine). I realised, without sounding overly dramatic. That this had become a bit of an unhealthy obsession. And it was getting me down. Which sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud - it's bloody naps!! But it's true. Hats off to people who have persevered with the Little Ones programme but I think I'm going to just take bits of it that work for us and then see where we are in a few weeks. He can self settle himself at bedtime - which is such an achievement. (Well, last night it took an hour - but he likes to keep me on my toes.) And touch wood - the hourly wake-ups seem to have stopped. But it's still hit and miss. One night he was up three times to feed - the other just one - and last night was horrendous 😩. Someone commented on my blog about the Little Ones programme and told me some advice she was given: "Aim for the ideal result, not for the perfect, it just makes you frustrated. Ideal is 80%, not 100%. Good is 50-60%. Let's admit it. Most adults don't sleep well 100% of nights." Which I think is great advice. Instead of thinking, what am I doing wrong? And crying over a nap that hasn't gone well. As I said, I've decided not to fully do the programme as I feel like we have an established feeding routine that he likes - and a bedtime routine that he really loves. And will continue to work on the naps - basically not be as strict as the programme - use it more for tips because it has helped. But will see where we are in a week or so. He's been napping his normal 30 minutes - but we've had a few 40 minutes - and an hour when I shushed him back to sleep and almost wet myself - so we are getting there. At the end of the day, all babies are different. And when I have been spending hours googling sleep schedules - none of them are the same!! Long morning naps, long lunch time naps, four catnaps across the day...it's fucking confusing. My friend's and other mums have been an amazing support. And my dad put it into context when he said how different my brother and I were (we are twins. My mum and dad deserve a medal). He said I'd take a long time to shush to sleep and as soon as they put me down, I'd be awake. (It's payback isn't it?!) And my brother was the opposite but he was a nightmare in the morning as would wake up with the slightest noise - whereas I liked snoozing in the morning. Rafe still needs help settling for naps and bedtime sometimes (still need to master walking away and putting him down - this terrifies me) but not going to lose my shit over it. I'm still going to be consistent with when I put him down if I can (after two hours) - as I think that's maybe why his bedtime routine works, but I'm not going to be sat in the house for weeks on end trying to enforce a two hour lunch nap if in the end - maybe he just doesn't need it - or may do it naturally one day (please). So, for all those other parents as neurotic as me about trying to sort out these bloody naps (I hope it's not just me!!) calm the fuck down!!! You know your baby. If they can fit to a certain planned sleep schedule – amazing. If they don’t – don’t contemplate pissing yourself to keep them asleep. We are all doing a pretty damn good job at this confusing, amazing, exhausting, incredible journey that is being a parent. Even Rafe seems less upset now I have calmed down. During one of the night feeds, he came off my boob and just stared up at me for a few seconds. I stroked his head and he looked at me as if to say: "We've got this Mum. It will be okay.” "Why aye son – we will be." It’s not all been tears of exhaustion – we’ve had tears of joy too. Rafe finally took a bottle!!!!!!!!!!! We tried again when my husband was home. I wanted to try the minbie again and so I expressed before the 10am feed and I don’t know whether it is because the milk was its normal temperature from the boob – or because he just was hungrier than normal but he ended up taking 4oz, with both my husband and I trying. Which is a huge achievement as he used to get so upset and just let the teat lie in his mouth or spit it out. Although I did try again yesterday and he just seemed to have it everywhere but in his mouth! He did want it though as kept putting the bottle in his mouth but just wasn't getting his mouth properly latched/sealed on. (Fucking latch drama again 🙈) I'm going to express and take a bottle round to my friend's for her to give it a go so fingers crossed. She has two boys and I believe she is a superhero so if anyone can crack it again, it will be her! But it's probably just practice he needs. It is such a relief that he has taken one bottle with great success as I was worried he may never take a bottle. And it was never about giving up breastfeeding as soon as he took a bottle - it's just more so I can have a break. Breastfeeding has been such a rollercoaster of emotions for me. From struggling for it to click in the early days, to expressing like a crazy woman when Rafe was in hospital - to now, feeling so happy I persevered. Dare I say I actually enjoy it. I always said I wanted to get to six months breastfeeding - but I would really like to go on for longer. But at the same time, I feel like I'd quite like a break. It can feel relentless at times and I've said many times before, you feel like a cow. And because I still and don't think I will ever feel comfortable feeding in public (unless at a baby class), I feel quite tied down sometimes. I've been lucky to get a couple of three hour breaks in the evening so been for a meal or to my friends, so I'm not complaining - but wouldn't mind an afternoon where I could go shopping up to Newcastle on my own - or with Rafe, or meet friends at the pub, and not have to rush back to feed - and even go to the gym. Or just a solid four/five hour alone time. Just me. So - I've been potentially thinking of starting to combi feed - so just introduce one bottle a day. Happy to express - but I was also thinking of trying to bring the odd formula into the mix too - as expressing can be a bit soul fucking destroying to be honest and it's the last thing I want to do in the evening some days! And plus I don't want to up my supply too much as I thought I'd be starting to potentially drop feeds once he starts solid soon so it won't be a massive shock to the boobs. I was thinking of the 4pm feed maybe? Anyone else introduced a bottle of formula? I don't know why, because I know there is NOTHING wrong with giving your baby formula, whether that be combi feeding or all feeds, but I feel a bit nervous about it - and as if I I've failed to reach my 6 month target if I do introduce in formula. Which is RIDICULOUS I know. My friend, who successfully combi fed both her beautiful boys, said the first time she gave her son a bottle, she thought she was going to kill him. 🙈 She summed it up perfectly when she said: FUCKING HORMONES!! So I have some milk stored in the freezer so might keep trying this week (camp out at my friend's 😂) and then see how I feel and introduce formula soon. Then start eyeballing vodka. JOKES.... As you all know, Rafe's hospital appointment went well. Which is such a relief. The hole in his heart is still as big as it was - but not life threatening. And he may still need surgery in the future - but he may never need any intervention, even if the hole doesn't close. They want to see him again in August, as still want to keep a close eye on him. He's thriving and gained two pounds in four weeks!!! The little chunk. I just feel lucky as when we were at the hospital there was this little baby with tubes up his nose and he looked so poorly. Broke my heart. They are so little - they don't deserve such a tough start in life. Held Rafe a little tighter that night.
My husband went back to work on Monday and will be gone again for another three weeks - so not long. I think he felt a bit in the way - as it's hard as when they are away, you get into your own routine. When it was just me, I was happy to throw everything out the window for when he came home (and shave my legs) - but it's different now we have Rafe. But seeing them together is lovely. And I don't think I had any husband hate for a few days - so he obviously did as he was told. Best go. Got a boobie to whack out! Faye x P.s Saw this and was just what I needed.
21 Comments
Rebecca
3/4/2018 01:41:34 am
Hi Faye. We are right there with you on the nap and sleep situation. Im usually pretty laid back but the exhaustion has made me an obsessive anxious googler! Have also concluded everyone says something different so there is no one way that works for everyone. We have in the last couple of weeks managed to get Alfie napping in his own cot and he settles himself to sleep in the day. Very happy about that. But only for four half hour naps. The nights are what is making us crazy. No two nights are the same but the fundamental issue is when he wakes up (which is a lot!) he needs a lot of help getting back to sleep. Often see every hour of the night. Your blog and comments from other mums has been so helpful to know this situation is normal for lots of babies. Particularly as i only ever seem to meet mums whose babies slept through from 10 weeks (scowl). Im sure we'll get there eventually and your quite right that as long as they are happy who cares how we get there! Sending much love and sympathy! Rebecca
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Faye
3/4/2018 02:43:07 pm
Sending much love and sympathy back! Seeing every hour in the clock is beyond exhausting so feel your pain. I just hope your little one settles better soon. How did you manage to get them to settle during the day?
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Rebecca
3/5/2018 02:04:40 pm
Thanks will have a look. We used tracy hoggs pick up/put down method to get him in his cot in the day. Lots of tears but you can comfort them through it. Also stuck with a little routine to get him ready for a nap. Good luck with Rafe. Hes a cutie xx
Faye
3/5/2018 03:28:20 pm
Thank you! ❤️ Reading about the method is keeping me entertained during the first night feed! xx
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Sarah
3/4/2018 09:18:24 am
Hi Faye,
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Faye
3/5/2018 08:14:34 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I think when you talk about expectations vs. Reality about your birth - you're so right. At the end of the day, I always said six months was my aim when I was pregnant and just as I was starting to breastfeed - but then I had no idea what it was like - or any challenges along the way. Nothing ever goes to bleeping plan! (My two hour naps never do!) Fed is best - whatever the way.
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Kassy
3/4/2018 11:56:54 pm
I feel your pain 25 week old baby only nap on me and for some daft reason we decided now was a good time to move her from our room with the occasional bed sharing to her own room. Day 3 and I'm TIRED also tired of counting how many hours both her and I have managed sleep wise I like to think one day (soon hopefully) it will just click and we will all be well rested and happy! I feel your pain with this rubbish weather a walk in the pram to give arms a break isn't even an option. As for bottle and breast I did both (low birth weight) and it was fine she didn't get confused and like you said gave me and my boobs a well deserved break. Finger crossed for You!! X
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Faye
3/5/2018 03:21:26 pm
My boobs deffo need a break although just been to the doctors today and I have mastitis- which is particularly horrendous! Never a dull moment....! Hope your little one is settling better. Finally out in the pram today and felt like freedom after being cooped up in the house!!! Sure our babies will be napping champions soon...if you read other people's comments on Facebook-it will give you hope. Good luck!! xxx
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Courtney
3/5/2018 08:35:25 am
We also only nap for 30 mins per nap but he does 4 per day in his cot and sleeps for 12 hours at night! So all the google pages which I've read saying 30 min naps are dangerous blah blah blah, they work for us ! He wakes up happy after each nap and self settles himself in his cot for each nap and bedtime! 30 minute naps for the win! Be surprised how much you can do in 30 minutes whilst they nap !! Xxxx
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Faye
3/5/2018 03:23:56 pm
12 hours - amazing!! Someone shared an article on my Facebook post basically saying that sometimes some babies only need 30 minutes, as long as they seem happy so reading your comment also reassures me. Good to know I'm not the only one in the 30 minute club!! xx
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Jenny
3/5/2018 12:02:14 pm
Hi Faye,
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Faye Copp
3/5/2018 08:24:50 pm
It's so hard to try and relax and take baby's lead when you really want to plan- and try and run a tight ship with routines. Especially when you think you've nailed it and then teething, or a sleep regression, a developmental leap comes along then BOOM back to square one! I've just tried to keep his feeding times the same for months (although still feed on demand if he wants the boob) abd that helps me form a plan for the day. How's Arthur sleeping during the day and night?
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Jenny
3/6/2018 01:17:47 am
Oh no, poor you. I hope it gets better soon - it’s so tricky getting the balance right with expressing because you just don’t know how much they’re drinking! Yeah, the bottle was such a strange one. Doctor told me I’d just have to be ‘strong’ with him and force him to take the bottle through a combination of perseverance and starvation, which I wasn’t able to do - he sleeps well at night and a lot of that is down to eating up in the day so out of the two I chose sleep and happy baby! But so good to have found something that he just likes - I think the latex is good because he can clamp it easily and control the flow but definitely needs a fast flow because I think breastfed babies are often used to taking a lot quickly - might even enlarge the hole in the teat more using a needle! I’ve had the same issue with naps - he just won’t sleep for more than 45mins in the cot during the day but he will if he’s being pushed in the pram. I’ve got the dummy and the snooze shade for the pram and he’ll usually do a long nap in there. So I bought a snooze shade for his cot so I could snake an arm in and replace the dummy without him seeing me. First time it worked like a dream - happy days! - but then next time, no dice ... so ho hey will keep trying! One thing we did do was resist the night feeds - not sure if that’s an option for you guys but we just found as long as Arthur was feeding at night, he wasn’t feeding much in the day. It felt a bit tough but when he woke we tried to settle him back to sleep any way we could - the dummy works well with Arthur - and would try to get to a time that felt reasonable to us before feeding him. It did work and he started sleeping for longer. Glad we did it, though hard at the time ...
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Faye
3/7/2018 09:56:37 am
Thank you! Mastitis is not fun. 😩 Hoping the antibiotics kick in soon. Not tried Rafe again with a bottle as just need him to nurse nurse nurse - but hoping he will take it the next time. 🤞🤞🤞 We tried the NUK a while ago so might be worth trying again! Rafe seems to settle okay at night - it's just during the day he just refuses to sleep. Unless in the pram and lots of shushing! Might invest in a snooze shade so he has longer in the pram. But I am encouraged by other people's comments who say they do eventually nap for longer and it is just a phase. Hope you get some decent naps in soon!! xxx
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Becky
3/7/2018 03:38:07 am
Little Ones sleep programme literally nearly killed me! It’s impossible. Try not to stress yourself out although I know it’s very hard. I have a 19 week old and he’s a cat napper. Just like his brother, who is now two and a half. So my first used to cat nap- usually four naps a day when he was Rafe’s age which is also what my youngest is now doing. As soon as he got a bit older, he dropped a nap and naturally slept longer. I think it’s something that comes with time and age...I really do. If my first managed to crack it (he was a terrible sleeper and rocked at every nap til he was one!) then I’m sure Rafe will crack it. One thing that being a parent second time round has taught me is that all these awful phases pass so quickly! Hang in there and take comfort knowing that it really does get better- like I said, my first was the worst sleeper ever! And he’s not anymore. Lots of love xxxx
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Faye
3/7/2018 09:59:17 am
I needed this message - thank you!! 😘 I think I just need to keep remembering it is just a phase - and knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel gives me hope during the hours of shushing - and pushing the pram. 🙈 Thank you! Lots of love xxx
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Fay
3/10/2018 12:14:55 am
I have loved reading theses. We are in exactly the same situation with nap times. Max 30 mins at a time and it's so hard when it's sometimes taken over an hour to get that 30 mins rest. William too won't take a bottle, I threw away the Minbie last week as looking at it in the kitchen was making me sad. I would be fine with the 30 mins of napping if he woke up satisfied, but no, just a grumpy child! Thank you for these blogs. They have been so helpful to know we aren't alone.
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Faye
3/10/2018 09:59:47 am
It's equally reassuring to me to know I'm not alone too! I haven't tried him with the bottle again since he was refusing it last weekend as I have mastitis ? but hoping he miraculously takes it again. It is hard though. I naively thought that a baby would instantly take a bottle - thought it would be much easier than this! Good luck with bottle and nap times, sending virtual coffee and a pint of wine xx
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Jen
5/16/2018 10:04:02 am
Have literally just read the whole of your blog!! My baby is 6.5 months old and sleep is now a nightmare and naps are 20 minutes and not happening unless in the buggy or car. Have been tempted by the Little ones package when I’m awake all hours of the night, so intrigued that you tried it but didn’t stick with it. Can I ask, what did you like or not like, I need sleep and keep wanting to buy it as a miracle thing but am hesitant. Thanks
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Faye Copp
5/17/2018 03:02:34 am
It's difficult as I know someone who read my blog had success with it but I just found I was even more obsessed and stressed trying to enforce the naps than before. We have a good breastfeeding routine that we tend to follow most days unless he wants more and the plan totally messed up that. I found I was feeding him more when he wasn't hungry. Also the two hour lunch time nap was just impossible to enforce. Maybe I gave up too easily but it was just too restrictive and overwhelming. The self settling advice was really good and that's what I used to get him to self settle - although he's decided he doesnt want to do it sometimes now! It's quite similar to the pick up put down method if you Google that. Hope that helps. It's hard as I thought it would be a miracle purchase- and it might be for you. Don't want to say don't get it! Good luck! xx
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Jen
5/17/2018 06:51:22 am
Thank you 😀
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