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Week 20 postpartum: Tears. Exhaustion. Milestone excitement. Self-soothing success?

2/22/2018

8 Comments

 


Like I mentioned last week, this four month sleep regression is literally HAVING MY LIFE. Yet on the other hand, Rafe is reaching milestones during this leap (he rolled over!) and I could just literally burst with pride, like he's won a gold medal. But I'm not going to lie - I'm finding this phase quite tough. Was in tears one day this week after having yet another bad night - and disaster nap, after disaster nap. So I felt compelled to try anything, so at 2am I was downloading sleep schedules, 9am I was sticking black out fucking blinds to the window with little success, stuffing a teddy bear down my top to try and get my scent on to it to act as a comforter, pushing the pram round the streets like a woman possessed, shushing him to sleep with such conviction I think I could shush a whole nursery to sleep, singing Twinkle Twinkle over and over and over again, googling and googling four month sleep regression with the same determination I use when I'm stalking my husband's ex on Facebook and texting my mum friends 1,000 messages for help.

And that was just Tuesday.

BUT (touch wood), have we started to master self-soothing?
Picture
What a dude.


So I downloaded a sleep schedule from Little Ones, (which seems to keep appearing on my Facebook feed as if they know) in my desperation to get Rafe to sleep in the early hours of the morning. I knew I was desperate as I forked out bloody 20+ quid for it. It's all a very strict pattern and I was a bit overwhelmed by it to be honest. And if I follow it down to the fine print it means really messing up his feed times which we have settled into. Still feed him on demand if he wants it but it's three hours between feeds normally. And the plan also says baby must have a two hour nap at lunchtime which I feel would be impossible to achieve. Well for now anyway. After literally sending 1,000 messages to my mum friends asking for help and advice - they both said the same thing: "All babies are different." So through the tears I decided to do a bit of trial and error and see what works for us. So what have I tried this week?

1. Alcohol. (I fucking wish. One day. One day I will be downing the tequila shots like I'm 18 again - if only I had the boobs.)
2. Travel black-out blind. (Why won't the suckers fucking stick!!) Popped that up (well my mum and dad did - I don't have the patience) to help during nap times and light evenings but not sure if helps or not to be honest. But going to keep the room as dark as possible at night and nap times (if he goes in the cot) so will keep sticking those bloody things on to the window for now.
3. Took away night light. This has helped as he no longer clocks it in the middle of the night and thinks it's HILARIOUS.
4. And I would walk 5,000 miles....in the pram. I know this is against what a lot of these bloody experts say - but at the moment, the one thing that gets him to sleep for more than half an hour is the pram - or baby carrier. He slept for an hour and a half in the pram yesterday. 🙌 Hoping that's not just a one off as he is still very much a 30 minute napper at the moment. I just physically can't get him to nap more than 30 minutes sometimes. My friend said for six weeks she had to walk her girls in the pram during all nap times to help them sleep - and they now nap in the cot. So while it works (kind of) it works for now. Once I can crack night-time, I'll attempt to crack naps but hoping once I can get him to self-soothe - this will come naturally....(will it?!)
5. MyHummy - This hasn't made a difference for us. But know it works for others. Sticking to Ewan the Sheep which I do think helps.
6. Self-soothing. I knew I had to try to tackle this. Not just for me - but also for Rafe. If he can settle himself to sleep, I think it will do him the world of good. I've had to edit some of this so I don't get in trouble with Little Ones for sharing too much info - but basically the self-soothing techniques are gradual and I think the key is consistency. It took one hour for Rafe to get himself to sleep the first time trying, (you don't leave their side when you start trying to help them self-soothe), 15 minutes the next. Then ten minutes the next night!!! I literally cried. I never in a million years thought he would be able get himself to sleep. And that it would work. Especially when it's been taking hours of shushing to just get him to sleep. Naps are a whole new ball game - think I need to get night-time nailed before I tackle those bad boys. I'm just hoping now he can settle himself, the sleepless nights will be no more...It's getting better than the hourly wake-ups - just still pretty exhausting. Hopefully next week, the four month sleep regression will be a distant memory!! 🤞 I live in hope.
7. On advice of my friend - I have moved bedtime forward again. So working backwards - I want to try and get him down at 6.30pm so he's in the bath at 5.15pm and then dressed, story - and then feeds for an hour. This seems to have helped. (I know it seems really early but once he starts settling quicker and feeding less, I will make it later.)
8. Chocolate and biscuits. Make sure I eat at least a full tin of biscuits a day.
9. I try not to leave it longer than 2 hours between naps as he starts to get sleepy and upset. In the evening it's a bit different as he tends to be awake for longer (At the moment he tends not to nap passed 4pm, but know a lot of people advise catnaps between then and bedtime so might have to try that - but equally don't want to mess up bedtime!) but hoping the earlier nighttime will help. But this of course changes when he has a class depending on when it is. I never thought I'd be so fucking stressed out about naps!! 🙈
10. Had a cry. I really have been so upset this week. I'm just so exhausted and getting so stressed out about him not sleeping through the day much - and the sleepless nights - but I know I need just breathe and read other people's comments (thank you) and advice who are going through the same thing - or have overcome it. I also need to remember all babies are different and not to obsess so much over all the books - and bloody google.

So to those women pounding the street pushing the pram, I'll be thinking of you!! (I'm hoping this exercise will get rid of my wobbly belly and turn me into a Goddess.)
I may be doing something totally different next week but you've just got to wing it most the time haven't you?! Has anyone had success with this Little Ones plan?
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20 weeks in - 20 weeks out! Where has the time gone? (So many people thought I was pregnant again when I posted this photo. NOOOOO!!)
The little sleep thief rolled over front to back this week. 😍 He's been attempting to do it for a while now so when he did I literally got so excited I think I made him cry. It's amazing how proud I feel when he reaches a certain milestone. I think I will be an emotional mess when he walks or says his first word. 🙈

After saying he's feeding better - we seem to have taken a big step back and he's back to being fussy and on and off the boobs. I had another blocked milk duct but my friend recommended pouring hot water on to a nappy, waiting till you can touch it and then putting it on your boob and keeping it on there till it gets cold. Amazing little trick! He has also started blowing when my nipple is in his mouth and sometimes pursing his lips and coming sharply off my boob so my nipple really does almost come off. So that's a laugh a minute. 🙈 I don't know whether to try and stretch his feeds out to 3 1/2 to 4 hours - anyone else tried this?
My husband came home for the weekend and for Rafe's hospital appointment on Monday. He's been away for six weeks so was quite emotional seeing them together. We also had our first date night - and third time out just us since Rafe arrived. We've had a date afternoon so this felt a bit more wild. 😂 We went for a meal and was back at 9pm (he normally wakes between 10-11 for a feed) but it was lovely to spend time just us. Having a baby really affects your relationship - so I know we need to try and find time to have some alone time. Even if it's just two hours - it's two hours. Even if it takes four razors to shave my legs. It makes me laugh when he used to come home from being away, it would be like a military operation to get ready. Depending on how low long he'd been away for, it would mean, wax, hair done, eyebrow turned into eyebrows, fake tan - now he's lucky if I brush my hair. Lucky man.
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He's just a legend.
It's Rafe's hospital check up on Monday. Have pushed it out my mind to be honest but sure all will be well. Thinking positive but will let you all now.

We've got this ladies!!

Faye x
8 Comments
Jess Smith
2/25/2018 05:55:17 pm

Hi- me again! So funny I totally got the little ones plan too last week so will let you know how it goes. We’ve had to side track it the last week after delayed last jabs we’re finslly done and really did not agree with us poor thing. We have a Ewan and was wondering about a my hummy so interesting you say that. Maybe we will just stick with it. Have also go rid of night light I do think darker room makes a diff. Have only had 2 1.5hr lunch nap so far bunt maybe we shall get there. Anyhow. As per. You are not alone. Right there with you on this 19 + 4 week baby journey. I’m really hoping the wake ups are more than 2hrs between them tonight. Best sleep whilst he is. You’ve got this! X

Reply
Faye
2/28/2018 01:43:40 am

Hello! How you getting on with the programme? Attempting it properly today! Was up loads last night 😩 He's down for his first nap now. Praying for a long nap at lunchtime!!! xxx

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Denisa
2/26/2018 11:16:47 am

Hello,

I’ve been following your blog posts and, although my little boy is a little older (5.5 months), I always think to myself ‘I know exactly what she means!’ The sleep regression hit us hard at 4 months and unfortunately it’s still here and I am struggling with my little boy waking up every hour to hour and a half at night. I am like a zombie! I think our main problem is his inability to self-soothe which you say Rafe has recently mastered. What did that entail? Did you let him cry for an hour the first night and then that reduced to 15 min the next, 10 the following etc? I find that thought very difficult but I have reached the end of the line so I am willing to give anything a go!

By the way, the tin of biscuits thing - I’m completely with you on that one... 😊

Reply
Faye
2/28/2018 01:41:55 am

I am so with you on the exhaustion front! Although he seems to be able to self soothe at bedtime - he's still waking up lots through the night and fights naps. Hoping to tackle naps and then he will sleep better at night...😬

So I just basically put him down after his feed after his bath so he's sleepy and try and let him settle himself. If he is upset, after a few minutes I pat his tummy and shush. If he's really upset then pick him up to calm him - but don't let him fall asleep on me. Then put him down again. Then repeat the process till he settles. It's hard work! But you're not letting them scream for hours - you are always by their side and offering comfort - and cuddles when needed. Just not so they are totally relying on you to fall asleep I think. It took an hour the first night - and now, about 10-15 minutes. GOOD LUCK!!!! Hopefully we will sleep soon 🙏 xxx

Reply
Denisa
3/1/2018 01:09:04 am

Ah thank you, yes, that sounds much better than letting him cry on his own for ages! I bet it is hard work, as you say, and consistency must be key... I’ll give it a try and see how we get on. Good luck with those naps!

Steph
3/1/2018 05:25:36 am

Love this blog post ❤️ it makes me laugh every time mainly because my LO is 16weeks and we’re going through the same thing although snow has scuppered afternoon pram walk aka guaranteed sleep is no longer happening.

I’m using Little Ones and for us it was a game changer since my LO gets seriously grumpy without sleep. Since starting have managed to stop LO only sleeping on me and the majority of the time sleeping in his cot and not wanting to tempt fate but think he’s just gone back to sleep himself for the second half of lunch nap! the guides can seem overwhelming but it does cover most eventualities and for things that don’t apply for your LO you can ignore plus the online FB community is fab that comes with it.

Reply
Faye
3/1/2018 10:38:48 am

Thank you Steph! ❤️ It's good to know I'm not the only one going through the joyous four month sleep regression! 😩 How long has it taken your little one to get to grips with LO? Rafe pretty much cried for an hour and a half during his lunch time nap and on managed half an hour in the end - so totally messed up the afternoon. And the ten-15 minute nap in the afternoon is also a no go!!!

Reply
Steph
3/2/2018 12:19:33 am

We used to cosleep but he got really restless, so neither of us was getting great sleep and then I was sick so no way he could be in bed with me, so forced our hand really to get him in his own bed. I could never feed or rock him to sleep he would always wake when I put him down and cry, so went cold turkey and started with side settling him in his crib but started with night time when sleep pressure is highest. The first night was horrendous and he ended up feeding to sleep which he never does but after that he got on board with side settling most of the time (he was about 9wks then) and moved on to patting his side from about 13wks as his settling thing. Morning nap is nearly always good and first sleep cycle of lunch. With lunch I could never settle him back to sleep so always followed cat nap guide but last two days second half lunch I’ve got into bed with him to make him do the second half and today when he woke up left him to protest cry for 10mins and he went back to sleep. Afternoon naps we’ve always done in the pram as I walk the dog then but snow has forced us indoors and to my surprise today he went down in his crib fine for it. Overall within a couple of days we had got the outline of the programme down whether the normal or way more often the catnapping route but it has taken lots of perseverance and consistency to get it right. With bf I don’t always follow feeding guide as LO has his own opinions still on when he wants to feed but this doesn’t seem to impact on the programme - I think feeds are spaced away from sleep for reflux issues etc.

We’re still far from perfect with sleep and often after 4am he comes back into my bed cus it’s just easier to settle him through to the morning and I have many moments where I want to scream ‘just sleep’ but programme provides some structure we can try and aim for around awake times and total day sleep and when it goes wrong there’s the troubleshooting options or FB forum to help.

On FB community a lady posted a comment that helped me with perspective - ‘aim for ideal result, not for perfect otherwise it just makes you frustrated. Ideal is 80% not 100%. Good is 50-60%. Let’s admit it most adults don’t sleep well 100% of nights.’

X




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    Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.

    Disclaimer: I swear. 

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