Week 18 postpartum: Four month sleep regression continued. Fussy feeding. Mines a coffee.

So if I found a magic lamp and a genie granted me three wishes, they would be:

1. To sleep
2. To sleep
3. To sleep

And if he was being generous, my fourth would be to have a body like Jenna Dewan Tatum. But we can't have it all.

All wrapped up! ❤️

So you know when you're pregnant and you're constantly up and down weeing for England and people say it's your body's way of preparing you for losing sleep and waking up through the night? HAHAHAHAHAHA. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING prepares you for this type of exhaustion. The type of exhaustion that when your husband (who is away) messages you to see how you are, you just reply two words: "I'm fucked." I used to be such a light sleeper. It was a running joke how I would need absolute silence, darkness and an eye mask and eye plugs to sleep. My husband always tells the story of when we first started going out and I would stay over. To start with, we would be pretty much drunk every night (living the dream) so I would pass out. But then, when we realised we also liked each other sober, one morning he says he woke up and started talking to me and I turned around and shouted: "WHAT?" while lifting up my eye mask and popping out my ear plugs. Maybe it's funnier when he tells it? Anyway, my point is. I don't need silence or darkness now, I genuinely think I could fall asleep standing up, at a football match at Wembley, in the day, with 50,000 people screaming. As you've probably gathered the four month sleep regression is going really well. Send coffee. Lots of it...

It's not like I was having loads of sleep beforehand. The newborn days were of course mind numbingly exhausting but as the weeks went on and the cluster feeding and hourly wake ups stopped, Rafe started giving us a few good days of long stretches of sleep - four to six hours at a time. With two feeds in the night. A couple of times only one. Which was amazing. But now, it's literally every hour. I see every hour of the clock. (Not always to feed - just needs settling.) And he's taking hours to put down after his bath and bedtime feed. So it can be - wake for a feed, feed for up to an hour, take an hour to settle and wind, then up again in an hour. Rafe used to be good (unless he had wind) of going straight back to sleep after a feed and not really waking up properly. Now it's like TING I'm wide awake at 3.30am. He's smiling away which is cute - but it would be cuter if he slept. During the day it's disaster nap after disaster nap - with the odd few successes where he's had okay naps. (Still 30 minute naps.) But few and far between. I guess we just have to ride the storm until this phase passes but it's, as I said last week - fucking emotional.

❤️

His fussiness during his feeds during the day (great at night) are at a whole new level. Please tell me I'm not the only one? Just coming on and off, on and off. I have bought a teething necklace recommended by someone after my last post (thank you!) so hopefully that will help - will let you know. Trouble is, I don't think he's emptying my breasts properly sometimes as I actually had a swollen lymph gland under my armpit this week. I didn't feel ill, or have any signs of mastitis so just massaged it and put heat on it, which seemed to have helped it go down. Any one else had this? He's also started literally almost ripping my nipple off when he's finished feeding too so that's fun!

Rafe is supposed to make leaps and bounds in his development these next few weeks but in some respects I feel like has stalled. He used to love rolling on to his side and trying to do a full roll, but seems to have totally lost interest. Which is normal at this stage apparently. Yet he is kicking and punching like he is going to take off and is even more active. He's always been quite vocal but now it's like he is having a conversation with you and is making gaa and goo sounds which is proper cute. So I guess he's changing and developing in different ways. So although these few weeks are a challenge - hearing him chat away makes it worth it. Kind of....

Dude.

So, it's lent next week so I have vowed to give up biscuits and chocolate. Okay maybe just chocolate or....shall I just give up biscuits? Or just try not to eat a whole biscuit tin every day? (Deciding what to try and not shovel in my face for six weeks reminds me of when my mum said she was going to give up cereal bars for lent!! 🤣 Okay mum, I’m going to give up seeds....) I'll let you know how I get on....I also really want to try and get fit again. I saw a photo of Jenna Dewan Tatum (Channing Tatum's wife) the other day and I almost cried. I'm not overly bothered(ish) about my weight. I guess it's just about doing something for me again. And plus it's my two year wedding anniversary in March and I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds so if we do go out and I don't have a baby attached to my boobs - I might look almost human - less saggy potato sack. Will need to take a lawnmower to my legs and get rid of my beard too - but let's take it one step at a time. I'm going to download Emily Skye's app too, so let's see how I get on....

And finally, in my sleep deprived state I have been extra emotional. I saw this poem and obviously lost it. Thought I'd leave it with you all to read/lose it too.

Faye x