Week 14 postpartum: Nap time hell.Routine stress. I'm a dry shampoo mum.See you soon husband.

​Well mum and baby yoga was as relaxing as sticking pins in my eyes. I naively had this image in my head involving Rafe and I being at one in Zen like relaxation. Him lying on the yoga mat asleep or awake and content, with me doing yoga poses without falling over. Reality: Managed five minutes of wobbly stretching then spent the rest of the hour trying to shush Rafe to sleep while he screamed in a very non Zen like way. When it was time to properly relax and I finally had Rafe to sleep, the teacher turned down the lights and I lay my head down in quiet thought. When I say quiet thought, I mean listening to screaming babies for five minutes. To be fair, the teacher was amazing - and the class isn't just about doing yoga it's about meeting other mums. Other mums like me - other mums NOT like me. During the class I started to think about different types of mums. There's so many articles about: what type of mum are you? (The gym mum, the PTA mum, the competitive mum...) Well during this class, I felt like the inadequate mum. All the women looked incredible, all slim (some only six weeks postpartum and were back to pre-baby weight) with WASHED hair. WASHED hair. And I looked like a lump and smelled like dry shampoo. It got me thinking. If these women can look amazing and can brush their hair and have two eyebrows, why can't I? But I genuinely am not making up excuses. You know, “I've had a baby so....” I just genuinely have had a baby and I don't have the energy to not look half disheveled! Oh - and one woman in the class was actually doing squats and breastfeeding AT THE SAME TIME. THE SAME TIME. And there's me still with a hundreds of pillows. 😩 I actually met a real life Mother Earth goddess!!! I was in awe. So I told my mum I felt rather inadequate looking at these mums’ who looked amazing and I looked like a disheveled version of my old self. And she said that I was doing a great job (thanks mum) and not to compare myself to others. There are women throughout life, with baby or without who always look amazing - and then there are some women who (like me, look like shit) - well not quite what I meant Faye. But it made sense to me. So maybe there are actually just two types of mums? The dry shampoo mums’. And the washed hair mums’. Both as equally fabulous as each other I must add. (Don't think I need to tell you what club I'm in.) Namaste. 🙏

Cuteness overload.

​I dragged my disheveled self FOR A RUN this week!!! Yes, that's right. And you know what? I feel pretty chuffed to be honest so please feel free to congratulate me. It was just a quick 25 minute run with the dog and I was hanging out, looked like a tomato and I had to stop a few times to make sure my uterus hadn't fallen out. But it felt really good. It felt good to have 25 minutes to myself, doing something I enjoy (kind of) - and it was a time to clear my head and recharge. Just me (and the dog). Hopefully my wibbly wobbly jelly belly will be gone in no time....although to reward myself I ate a huge bar of galaxy chocolate. It's all about moderation right?

I did it!!

​Naps. Please help!!! Rafe really really keeps fighting his naps to the point he is so tired at nighttime he is difficult to settle and sometimes he just doesn't feed well for a while as he is so upset. He can also only get to sleep by someone shushing him or my dad singing Blaydon Races (no joke). I know in all the baby books they say put them down sleepy and don't shush them all the time as that will be the only way you can settle them but Rafe will categorically not sleep unless shushed. I've been reading about the four-month sleep regression (send help) so don't know whether he has started this early. It's just a minefield of what I'm supposed to do with so many people saying different things. Leave him to cry - don't leave him to cry. Let him settle on his own - settle him yourself. Get out and about - try and keep the routine similar. You can go out during nap times - don't disrupt nap times. What am I supposed to do?!!! My husband made a good point when he said nobody has written a book on Rafe - only you could do that. But it's just hard when you're singing Blaydon Races on repeat for an hour and then as soon as you put your baby down he's wide awake again. As well as nap time stress I am starting to stress about routine. They say (well Holly Willoughby in her book) that a routine should really start taking shape now. We have tried to get some sort of routine very early on - especially around bedtime (bath, boob, bed). Try to get a story in there at some point but he just cries throughout so not the most enjoyable of times. And trying to get him down at the same time and up at the same time and follow a three hour feeding routine but things change daily. He wakes earlier. He won't sleep... And one thing that makes me worry is that the classes I go to can interfere with feed and nap times. So I normally have to feed him earlier than normal to fit around the classes and then his nap time changes. I read somewhere that you should try not to disrupt nap time as can force bad habits but that would mean staying in all day. And to feed on demand - which I have always done. Honestly it's doing my bloody head in. So I'm going to try an earlier bedtime routine to see if this stops him from being so upset and overtired. Then he should wake early and should fit in with class times without me having to feed too early on and keep to his needs. I say should….I'll try it and see what happens and hope for the best. Any help/advice I will love you forever. Oh and he also seems to get quite distracted during daytime feeding and can be quite fussy during some feeds. Sometimes he just feeds for ten minutes each boob - other times longer. Is this normal? I guess it's like us - we don't eat the same amount every meal - unless you're me right now and you eat anything you can find. So maybe he just wants a little snack some days? Or he is getting more efficient feeding? How long does your little on feed each boob? It’s a fucking minefield I tell you! 

Shall I nap today?

​My husband is going away on Sunday. Trying not to think about it to be honest. Been so lucky these last two years when living on the married patch as apart from a long ass five months away and three months when I was pregnant, he's been home most nights. And apart from the husband hate now and again, he's got me through these first few months. He'll be away for around nine weeks so not months and months but will be hard. But I'm lucky to now be back home - and at the moment living with the parents so I'll have support around me when I need it. But who is going to put up with my crazy ass moods and go and get me chocolate at 10pm at night? But seriously, I'm dreading not sharing a bed - just me again. And putting his slippers under the bed (a bit of a ritual I have when he goes - makes getting them out exciting) and then not seeing his toothbrush in the bathroom. (It's the little things you miss). I'm sure he will be running out the door to get away from his hormonal wife but I feel for him missing Rafe for those couple of months. Think it's going to be really hard for him. Especially as he will have to miss Rafe's next hospital appointment and now he has started properly laughing. Not a belly laugh but a goofy little giggle. And my husband seems to be the only one who can make him laugh like this. He doesn't find me funny one bit. 🙈

Finally, if you haven’t already I would really recommend signing up to baby classes. I can’t tell you how good it’s been to get out, have fun with Rafe – and meet other mums. Sing and sign is fab and Rafe seemed to really enjoy that, yoga was an experience – but I know I will enjoy it once I start to stress less and then today I have Hartbeeps which my friend said I will love the most. A mixture of singing and sensory so I’ll let you know how I get on. Hopefully there will be a few dry shampoo mums’ in that class!

Happy weekend! x