You kind of expect the guilt the impact having a second child may have on your first born. The feeling left out. The jealousy. Not having that ‘one on one’ time. It's tough. Tougher than I imagined. But I never really thought about the guilt I’d feel for my second child. With Rafe it was all about routine, getting him to sleep (trying) at the same time every day, making sure he has tummy time, goes to a few baby classes, make sure he has ‘play time’, gets some fresh air, a feeding routine....but with Elijah. Some days I just feel so guilty because it still is all about Rafe. He's in and out the car seat, off to one of Rafe's classes, in the pram at the park, breastfeeding him on a bench on the beach while almost getting blown away because I wanted to take Rafe to the beach, can't even attempt any type of nap routine, still just breastfeeding totally on demand and if we are in the house some days he just sits and watches me run after Rafe. And although we do have days where we have some alone time, we squeeze in some tummy time and he does have a baby class on his own – there are days where the only time I feel like I’ve paid one on one attention to him, is when Rafe is asleep and he’s lying on my chest before I put him down to sleep. And I leave him to cry more than I did Rafe as sometimes that's all I can do. Oh and at the moment he doesn’t have any of his own toys, or books, most are/were Rafe's – and so many of his clothes are Rafe's too. And I know he won't care or even remotely understand any of that but I just don’t want him to ever feel he was second best. I just feel guilty. Like I’m not giving him all of me – but likewise I’m the same with Rafe. If only you could split yourself in two ay?
So yeah, the mum guilt lives on. I haven’t written a post in a while as been a bit manic with husband away and both kids and me having a cold. Rafe was back at nursery one day and had a full on snotty nose which he gave to me and Elijah so it really wasn’t overly fun for any of us. Nights were pretty rough especially when Rafe was waking up crying and I had to basically run between them both to settle them. Or dealing with Rafe’s horrendous nappies that ended up all over his bed, his hands – the carpet downstairs. And his final tooth has come through which has been a mother fucker. Poor thing has been really upset with it and must have been in pain. Put that’s all teeth in now! Amen. Just got to wait for Elijah to start teething...
Husband has been away for a few weeks but came back on Tuesday for the week and when I took Rafe to nursery he had Elijah for literally half an hour to try and get him to sleep. Came back and he looked broken and simply said – I couldn’t do this all the time like!” “I’ve only been away fucking half an hour!!!” Haha. To be fair Elijah was refusing to nap which can be really frustrating. Honestly my kids hate naps. I must be doing something wrong. 🤦🏻♀️ Some days he will just fall asleep on his own, other days I need to pop him in the pram, other days shush him – or the car normally does the trick – normally only for 30 minutes like Rafe used to knock out. Or some days he screams and screams and fights it – or the other day he fell asleep in the car, brought him in the house and slept for two and a half hours. I was in shock! I don’t know whether he just hates naps like Rafe did, or whether because I haven’t really for a nap routine down yet he is just all over the place, or because he just wants to sleep when he wants. I just really don’t want to be obsessively googling sleep schedules again but might have to be done. Anyone got a good routine for a 3 month old or is it impossible with a toddler in the mix too?!
Can’t believe Rafe will be two next week. Actually want to cry. Just want time to slow down. He is growing so fast. Everyday he seems to learns a new word and he is such a character. I asked for recommendations for birthday presents (thank you!) and we are doing the four present rule which I think is such a good idea (again thank you!). Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read. So we have for him a balance bike, some wellies, an outfit and a pack of Gruffalo books. Someone asked me to share other ideas from people so here you go:
Went to the doctors about Elijah's reflux and at the time it had been a bit better a few days. He was still being sick quite a bit but wasn’t screaming like he was in pain or constantly crying. The doctor said sometimes with reflux or colic, 12 weeks was like a ‘magic period' for some babies and it settled itself so I have been monitoring him to see when it is worse and if it happens more when I have eaten something (cow's milk in particular the doctor recommended). He still has moments of crying after a feed but a good burp normally helps and he can be squirmish on the boob, especially in the morning when boobs are fuller so have been taking him off and burping him and then popping him back on or giving him a break. Also keeping him upright after a feed which many of you recomended which helps. He is still sick quite a bit but kind of accepted I will be covered in baby barf for quite a while and as long as he is putting on weight and not distressed then nothing to worry myself over. Doctor said could give him gaviscon or ranitidine if still bad but will see how we go. Really feel for people whose baby has colic or really bad reflux and doesn’t settle as that week where he was screaming pretty much constantly was so tough. It really does affect you so I hope anyone going through that is getting some support as it is relentless.
Just having a small family party next weekend. Feels like yesterday we were celebrating his first birthday. I actually want to cry at how fast he is growing up. He is a proper chatter box, loves to sing makes my heart explode when he tries to say certain words. He is obsessed with the free hero cards from Sainsbury’s at the mo. He loves saying Peter Pan which I can hear him saying as he goes to sleep which is bloody cute. Or when he says ‘big truck’ and is sounds like something else...My friend’s son when he was a bit younger (for context her husband is called Paul) turned around one day and said: “for fuck's sake man Paul!!” So best start watching what I’m saying! Has your child said anything funny/copied you?
Best go give my husband a few jobs to do till back to work. Till next time,
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.