Poorly toddler, baby's heartbeat, I miss my husband...

​Hands up if your child went back to nursery after Christmas break and is now poorly? Damn you nursery germs.

​But on a very positive note – I heard baby's heartbeat this week. Forgot how it is one of those moments where time really does stops still. ❤

​So yes. Yet again – nursery germs strikes. Though could also be the toddler groups he goes too but either way, we have a snotty boy with an ear and skin infection. Started last Sunday where he woke up and was roasting hot and had a temperature most of the day. I was at work on Monday so my parents had to take him to the doctors (hello mum guilt). The dermatitis on his face is infected and he also had an ear infection, which he was given antibiotics for. So he is not quite himself, off his food, not sleeping great (send help) and is loaded with snot. And since Thursday he has developed a cough and the poor champ has been up all night coughing, which not going to lie. Has been pretty tough as kind of wrecked and I can't have wine - or cups and cups of coffee!! Hopefully he will be back to his old self soon though. He was off nursery this week – so kind of dreading him going back again next week. What will he catch this time round?! Yes, I know it’s all good for his immune system in the long-term, it’s just not so fun right now is it?

​It has been a bit of a tough week, just not sleeping great in general thanks to needing to pee every five minutes – and also Rafe has been really, really unsettled. But we are one more week closer to my husband coming back (hopefully next month) so just slowly adding to the things he needs to do/help me with when he’s back. Basically – you do everything pal. I’ll sit here and watch Peaky Blinders. (Thank you for the recommendations on box sets – decided to start with Peaky Blinders – as Tommy, well he ain’t bad to look at is he?)
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Had my 16-week midwife appointment this week. They never checked to hear Rafe’s heartbeat at my 16-week appointment in Scotland so it was a nice surprise they did this time. The midwife found the heartbeat straight away and I forgot how special that moment was. Like, there is an actual baby inside my tummy! I have to do another urine sample as my last tests showed either a) I have a urine infection b) I have Strep B c) It was a contaminated sample. If it is Strep B, I will have to be given an IV of antibiotics during labour. I was a bit alarmed when she put a big sticker on the front of my notes saying ‘ALERT!’ Group B Strep but the midwife assured me it was nothing to be worried about. Did anyone else find out they had Strep B when they were pregnant?

​I started pregnancy yoga classes this week. Last time round I followed a DVD which was great – but there is literally a class round the corner to me so I thought I’d give it a try. It was just what I needed to be honest – although gentle, I was reminded about how unflexible I actually am – with or without bump. The class is very focused on breathing and hypnobirthing techniques which is so relaxing – but I must admit I did struggle a little. At the beginning of the class, the teacher had us focus on breathing and imaging the different stages of labour. Naturally, I started having flashbacks. But I was in the best place to try and ground myself which was what I was taught in my sessions but it did make me realise as much as I can think to myself “I’m fine now” – although I might be able to deal with the flashbacks better than before I got help, I don’t think that memory of the fear will ever disappear. The trauma may feel less painful and 'real' but will always be there in some form. And there is always going to be triggers and moments that are difficult for me. And that is why I am going to reach out to someone to enquire about hypnobirthing classes (thank you to everyone who recommended looking into them). They are pricey but I think for me, personally, may be really what I need. I don’t want to go into labour anymore terrified than I need to be. Without putting any pressure on myself to have 'the perfect birth' this time round. I'm not even thinking that far ahead yet to be honest, but don't know whether I'm doing that subconsciously or whether it's because I have so much else going on.

​This week I have had really bad dizzy spells – did anyone else experience these during pregnancy? I can’t remember having these first time round. Also been extra moody too – but some might say it’s just my normal winning personality. Also feeling HUGE! Okay, I know I’m not huge but comparing bump photos, I look more like I was when I was 19-20 weeks. But I know people say you seem to show more second time round. But all the dizzy spells, mood swings and feeling podgy, don’t really matter when you hear that heartbeat – and also feel those first flutters, which I felt this week. It was around 19 weeks with Rafe but I think because I am more aware this time round as know what to feel, I’ve been able to feel movement this early, rather than thinking I’m just going to fart. There’s no other feeling like it. And suddenly makes it more real. Like I’m actually having a baby. I’m pregnant again. Madness. Good madness.

Really missing my husband this week. It's hard to try and fill in the weekends sometimes. It's a time where my friends have their own plans with their husband and kids, as I would if Chris would be back. And it's not like the 'good old days' of the 20's where I could always rely on one friend to go boozing with! But know this trip is nothing compared to the months and months he's been away before so just need to try suck it up! But it is hard. So if anyone has any stories about how annoying their partner has been this week, please share so I am reminded how annoying my own husband can be!!

Until next time,

Faye x