Note to self: Do not try a new ‘getting toddler to sleep’ routine when it is 100 degrees, still light at 10pm, when you are 8-months pregnant and beyond hormonal and emotional….
Also, this week: PREGNANCY RAGE is back with a vengeance. I thought I may have bypassed the angry letter to McDonald’s stage – or that time I almost killed my husband for walking so slow round Asda with the trolley. But oh no – it’s back….
So yes, as I mentioned last week, I was at my wits end trying to get Rafe to sleep. Thank you so much for all your advice – massively helped. I think I really just needed to bite the bullet and try something different but on the most part – I just felt like I didn’t have the energy to do it on my own. But equally, don’t have a choice! So I wanted to try a mix of what I have done before – and also follow other people’s advice and cater to what I thought would suit Rafe. So on Monday night, we followed our normal routine of bath, milk in my room, a couple of pages of a story – then I popped him in his sleeping bag and instead of staying to read more of the story – and then rocking to sleep in his room, we went into his room, I sat him on my knee and we read more of the story. We then went and said goodnight to his teddies and then I gave him a kiss, said goodnight and put him down. Then all hell broke loose. He was hysterical – which made me get really upset. But I left the room and timed for 5-minutes, went back in, picked him up and cuddled him and tried to calm him down. He literally forced my hands around him and every time I went to move my arms, he wrapped them back round him, which was bloody heart-breaking. So once he calmed down, back in cot and back out for 5. Basically repeated this for an hour – until he went down – sobbing. Which was just fucking awful and hard work. The next night – the same thing, but took half an hour, still sobbing as he fell to sleep. The following night – before I had even put him down he was hysterical. And again took half an hour. That night, I noticed when I went in, he was holding on to Ewan the sheep for dear life. He has never been bothered about a cuddly toy but thought I’d get one of his smaller teddies for him to cuddle – which did seem to settle him a bit. (But then I got paranoid about him having a teddy in his cot…!) Those first three nights were really tough - I think me going back in to settle him by picking him up was actually making him worse - he was getting a cuddle, but not as long as he wanted so was getting even more distressed I was leaving again. It’s just awful to see your child cry like that and all he wanted was a cuddle. And then to hear him basically sobbing while falling asleep is just emotional as fuck – and even more so when pregnant. Then the mum guilt came in as I just kept thinking about the years to come when I wish I could cuddle him to sleep. But also kept trying to remind myself – that when baby number 2 comes, it’s just little old me doing bedtime – apart from when husband is home. Which could be every weekend for a while – or he could be away for months and months. I physically won’t be able to sit for an hour or more to cuddle him to sleep – and it will be good for him to be able to settle on his own. And once he is down – he is on the most part – sleeping through. So it is working in that sense. Just broke my heart to be honest. The following nights I have tried the same routine – but not picking him up, just patting his back, reassuring him and saying ‘night, night Rafe’. Maybe cuddling him once if he really isn't happy. I took the teddy out on Friday night as the night before, he was unusually hyper and just talking to it for an hour. But at least he wasn't crying! Friday night took 20 minutes to go down. But when I went to check on him, he was cuddling Ewan the Sheep so I introduced teddy again last night (fucking epic I know!! My head is boggled writing this!!) - but snuck in and took it off him when he settled. Am I being too paranoid here? Just read so much about safe sleep but thought now he is 19-months, a small teddy would be fine??? So back to last night - I had to go in once to calm him down and took 15 minutes!!! So we will see how it goes. Just been harder than I thought, especially 8-months preggers and doing it on my own. (Get the violins out!) But it has got better and can see progress and light at the end of the tunnel! Hopefully by next week I can put him down and he goes straight to sleep - no tears. Fingers crossed....Who would have thought you could write an epic novel on getting your child to fucking sleep...
It’s just been one of those weeks to be honest! I had to go in and be checked over to make sure I wasn’t in early labour as I have been having Braxton hick’s contractions for a while (never had them with Rafe) but last Sunday, I had them for basically seven hours in the end. They weren’t stopping, whatever I did – and contrary to what I had read and thought – they were actually really uncomfortable and had a regulatory to them. I didn’t think I was in labour but equally just needed reassurance. I was monitored and midwife could see tightening’s but they weren’t regular and said not enough for her to check me out internally and was just BH. I felt silly for going in but as she said – it is better to be on the safe side. And now at least I know they can go on for a while – and be uncomfortable. They have been really persistent most days now. And although I’ve had back pain these past few weeks, I have had days when if I sit down for longer than say 15-minutes, I find it hard to actually walk and am in quite a bit of pain. And feel really heavy down below. I don’t know whether it’s pelvic girdle pain or just stiffening up but seeing midwife on Wednesday so will check. Second pregnancy – whole different ball game, everything is so much more intense! Anyone else have strong BH contractions?
I had pregnancy rage throughout my last pregnancy – towards anyone and everyone but mainly my poor husband. I’ve had some irrational, very hormonal moments but not a huge amount of rage. But this week, my poor dog and a random dog walker got the rage in full force. I took Yankee out over my lunch break, it was roasting outside and obviously I decided to wear all black so I was sweating like a MF and generally couldn’t walk faster than a snail. I was also having quite strong BH contractions. Yankee stole another dog’s ball and decided he wouldn’t give it back. So I was screaming like a banshee – which he obviously thought was a game. Eventually when I caught up to him, he refused to give the ball back, despite me sticking my hand in his mouth. “I AM NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD!” I shouted. Only to realise the dear old dog walker was behind me. I said sorry – and finally got the ball back. And Yankee ran off – loving life – (no animals were harmed during this rage incident) and tried to steal the ball again. Cue banshee scream and old man leaping to get the ball from Yankee in fear of his life from the hormonal pregnant lady. I think I may need to avoid that field for a while….Please tell me I am not the only one with pregnancy rage witnessed by total strangers!
So yes, quite a week. Hoping for an easy peasy week next week – full of blissful bedtimes, a calm and well-behaved golden retriever – and baby number 2 behaves him/herself too…..
Till next time.
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.