What a year.
I’d say that this year has been one of the most difficult – and the best years of my life. Having to deal with not only the four-month sleep regression – IT WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER – but coming to terms with the trauma of Rafe’s birth really hit me pretty hard. And it hasn’t been easy. All the bits in-between have been slightly challenging too…Walking miles to get Rafe to sleep, getting rage at wheelie bins, hating my husband for snoring while I nursed Rafe, getting mastitis – which HURTS LIKE A MOTHER-FUCKER. The loneliness, the realisation your boobs will never be the same, the exhaustion which actually makes you hallucinate (I thought my neighbour’s house was on fire – thanks four-month sleep regression), the worry that you just aren’t doing anything right. And some days you just want to cry. But even though I’ve had some of my toughest moments – I wouldn’t change it for the world. Well maybe my husband for Tom Hardy. JOKES…But being a mum has changed me more than I ever thought it would. I never thought I could love someone so much. And I look at Rafe every day and feel so incredibly lucky. He’s gone from being this teeny tiny baby, still only a few months old at the start of the year – to this whirlwind of a toddler who makes me laugh every day. He is an absolute superstar.
Thank you to all of you for being with me throughout this past year. Your advice and support always means so much. It’s so good to know I’m not the only one going through what I am going through. And I know some of you had a really tough year – but remember, us mums. We are pretty fucking fabulous. And to your son, your daughter – you really are their world. They don’t care if you have saggy ass boobs and a moustache. (My New Year’s resolution is to stop looking like a troll….wish me luck). Rudyard Kipling wrote, ‘God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers’. Which even if you're not religious, is pretty beautiful. So don’t forget to tell yourself how fabulous (say this in John Barrowman's voice) you are – even at 3am when you're up for what feels like the 50,000th time. You're doing amazing.
I just want to wish you all a Merry Christmas – and wish you lots of love and happiness for the New Year. Please do a few shots of tequila on Christmas Day for me!
I’ll be sharing some photos over the Christmas hols on here and more on Instagram, but ‘officially’ I’ll be ‘seeing’ you all next year!
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.