The Marine Wife and Mum
  • Blog
  • ME
  • CONTACT

Meltdowns. Nipple confusion. Baby sensory. Hungover Dad.

10/29/2017

15 Comments

 
Questions asked three weeks postpartum: When will I get the hang of breastfeeding? When does it get easier? Why do I feel like I've taken a step back? Vodka for breakfast? What happens if he gets nipple confusion? What the fuck is nipple confusion? Why won't he stop crying? What does he want? Is baby sensory a comedy show? Why did my husband drink so much port? He can't still be hungry can he? Why am I still bleeding? How can I get rid of wind? Will I ever get a full night’s sleep again?
Picture
Look at his little face!!!!
​Will I ever get a full night’s sleep again?
 
I had my first proper meltdown this week. It came after Rafe had decided to get into a routine of being wide awake, cluster feeding, refusing to be put down and screaming from 8pm-1am for over a week (this routine is still going strong most nights). It was the 7th night and after trying him with a dummy (he wouldn't take it - and yes I know about nipple confusion, but I had to try it) and him being on my boobs for hours and still not settling, I had to walk out the room and go downstairs. I just needed time to myself. And time to properly cry into a pillow for half an hour. My husband managed to rock Rafe to sleep for three hours (SAY WHAT?!) so I know he wasn't hungry. Just wanted to use me for comfort, which he keeps doing in an evening. He can be on and off my boob constantly for a good three hours before he eventually settles at night. Which can be hard. When you've been feeding every two to three hours and not getting much rest in between - it's exhausting - and lonely. I mentioned the other week about loneliness when breastfeeding. The other weekend my parents were visiting and I didn't want to breastfeed in front of my dad as I'm not able to properly cover up yet as I'm too busy trying to get the little fella to latch on properly. So I was upstairs feeding for a good hour while I could hear my mum, dad and husband all enjoying their takeaway curry. And I felt quite upset. And lonely. But I spoke to my friend who has two children and although she said these first few weeks are hard, try and see these alone times as precious moments between you and the baby. He'll never be that small again and will not want cuddles off his mum like this in a few years so to treasure it. So I'm trying to enjoy those moments and I do love cuddles - but I really did want my chicken tikka masala at the time. Also Rafe finds it really hard to settle with me as all he can do is smell milk and he screams the house down so I feel particularly inadequate when as soon as I pass him to someone else he settles. Honestly, the exhaustion, the feeling of being a giant udder has really got to me a few times. Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and walk away. Or eye ball some vodka.  
Picture
Put your hands up if you hate sleeping through the night.
​When will I get the hang of breastfeeding?

So he's now 8Ib 10oz - so he's feeding well and gaining weight. Which is such a relief. But I'm still struggling with positions. Although he's latching on most of the time, I am almost like a human contortionist/look like Golem from Lord of the Rings to get him on. He's comfortable - but I'm not. My friend suggested the rugby ball hold and my mother-in-law the cradle hold but the one I feel most comfortable with is the cross cradle hold as I can manipulate my giant bazookers. But my back is hanging out. I've left a message with the breastfeeding support worker to come see me as I just want a bit of guidance and help. I feel like I should have it by now - which is both ridiculous and stupid - it's still only week three. But it's so frustrating. And some days I've felt like I've taken ten steps back when he won't latch on. And I just want to cry. And I do. But it's just practice and I need to stop being so hard on myself. Everyone says I'll soon by flopping my boob out, he'll latch on and I won't even think about it. Now that's the fucking dream. When did you find a good position and eventually breastfeeding click with you? 
Picture
​Is baby sensory a comedy show?

​We took Rafe to a taster baby sensory class the other day. He slept right through it - so he really enjoyed it. But it was my husband who was the star of the show. Firstly, he didn't have a clue what baby sensory was. So when the woman gave him a hand puppet and he had to sing about Tommy thumb and friends he looked at me like "what the fuck have you roped me into?" I was dying.
Picture
Hung the fuck over dad.
​Chris went back to work this week and I was slightly nervous. Although he's still on camp so he's back every night (so lucky) - it was the thought of it just being me, Rafe and the dog.  But we survived – with minimal tears. And I should count myself lucky he is around for now. My husband also had a night out during the week to celebrate the Royal Marine's birthday. I told him to stay on camp because I didn't want an annoying, mortal man pissing me off. But as soon as he left I wished I'd said for him to stay or at least come back for the night. I was just feeling particularly anxious - and exhausted. But I knew he needed to let his hair down so to speak. Oh and he did. He said that as I was up all night on my own with Rafe - he would take him the next day during feeds. HAHAHAHAHA. Do you think that happened? Do you think he drank so much port he vomited everywhere? Let's just say I can't wait to eventually let my hair down. But at the same time, I'm actually not that interested in having a drink. I still haven't had even a glass of wine (sad times) as I’m paranoid as he's feeding so much and only just started expressing. Mummies who love wine and breastfeeding - what's the rules? One glass and pump?? Help!
 
Although I'm moaning (again) Rafe makes me and my husband laugh so much. He's a little legend. When he does massive farts, or when we change him and he tries to protest and puts his arms up in the air to grab a hold of you and when he snores his little head off - I could die with love for him. So here’s a little a photo of him off to his first Halloween party – our little sleep stealing, boobie loving pumpkin.

Picture
P.s Has anyone got any miracle tricks for wind? I feel like we’ve tried everything. And although the health visitor says breastfeeding babies don’t get much wind – this little one does. Help!

​Faye x ​
15 Comments
Laura
10/29/2017 11:37:08 am

Love reading your blog! Our little sleep thief is just over 2 weeks old and I can completely relate to everything your saying! I guess the saying your not alone is definately true!!

Reply
Faye
10/29/2017 12:30:24 pm

Thank you Laura! You're so right - it is so good to know you're not the only one going through it. It gets better I'm told!! We will sleep again... x

Reply
Sammie
10/29/2017 12:11:03 pm

Hi Faye, you’re going amazing. Not going to lie breastfeeding is so tough in the beginning for some people, myself included! We settled around 4/5 weeks after a lot of blood, milk and tears... quite literally. We learnt a good latch whilst I lay back propped up with pillows. Message me if there’s any advice I can help you with. Keep going, it’s worth it in the end and saves so much time! I promise 😘 Xx

Reply
Faye
10/29/2017 12:41:21 pm

Thank you Sammie. ❤️ Means so much to know other people have been through it. It's just so bloody hard some days! Just need to keep going. Feel more reassured hearing from you. Thank you! I'll give you a message. ? Hope you and your little fam are doing well xxx

Reply
Eve
10/29/2017 04:25:49 pm

Loving the blog. It's honest with a great sense of humour. Our little one is 10 weeks old now and I'm still finding my way so can totally relate. The lack of sleep was the toughest part for me but I promise it gets better. When he sleeps through the night for the first time I swear you'll feel giddier than Julie Andrews singing on a mountain top!
This whole parenthood malarkey is terrifying and beautiful all at the same time but when you look at your little one in your other half's arms the love you feel takes your breath away and all is well with the world (until baby wakes up for a feed and nappy change haha)
Keep going, take each day as it comes and remember every day you are doing an amazing job xxx

Reply
Faye
10/30/2017 04:04:45 am

Thank you Eve! ❤️ Means so much to know other people have gone through what I'm going through now - and it gets better. And they do eventually sleep through the night!!! I look forward to that moment xxx

Reply
Amy
10/30/2017 02:28:39 pm

I really struggled to get my little one to latch and eventually we turned to nipple shields which worked like magic, we used these for a good 3 months before we managed to go au naturals! Still feeding him now at nearly 6 months old and it’s so much easier! And as for the wine, I got back on that pretty quick to be honest! I was told to apply the same rules as driving, if you still feel like you can drive, you can feed (so I was told.) But now (or as soon as your little one is not feeding every two minutes) is definitely a good time to express and build up a freezer supply. When we hit 2 months my body had worked out how much milk my little one needed therefore it wasn’t producing much more milk than that and I began to find it harder to express, getting much less milk each time.

Good luck, with it all! I enjoy reading your blog and your little one is gorgeous!

Reply
Emily
10/31/2017 03:18:26 am

It's so good to read this blog and this reply! My four-week-old can't seem to latch without the nipple shields but i find them so messy and am really hoping we'll get a latch without them in the future! Your comment gives me hope i'll be able to reach my target of six months breastfeeding and potentially without the shields too - yay!! Thank you! X

Reply
Faye
10/31/2017 04:13:10 am

Thank you Emily! It's so good to know my blog is reaching people who are going through the same thing. Breastfeeding is so much harder than I ever thought. I tried the nipple shields too but found them difficult to use. But keep persevering! So many people have contacted me since I've written about breastfeeding saying how they struggled like we have - but have got there in the end. One of my friends said she got through it by saying "okay, get to Tuesday with breastfeeding." Then when it came to Tuesday - say now get to Friday and so on. And I think that helps. Just keep going - you're doing amazing. And as everyone keeps saying - it gets easier! Good luck xxx

Faye
10/31/2017 04:19:09 am

Agreed - Amy's comment has given me hope too! It's so good to know others have got through the struggles and are still going strong at 6 months - which is my aim too. We can do it! Just need to persevere - but it is bloody hard. My friend said she got through the struggles of breastfeeding by her husband saying: "just get to Tuesday." And then when Tuesday came, just get to Friday...and she breastfed for a while. It will get easier - I have been reassured! Good luck xxx

Tina
10/31/2017 02:57:29 pm

My little one would only latch on with nipple shields at first, then I had to start tricking him by taking them off half way through a feed then my nipples hurt so much I had to do one feed with one feed without and by around 6 weeks we were breast feeding with no nipple shields atall hurray!! I am now still exclusively breast feeding at 5 months even though one of my boobs randomly stopped producing milk!! So one boob feeding but it still works, the body can be amazing :) keep going x

Fayw
10/31/2017 04:16:02 am

Thank you Amy! My aim is to get to six months so your comment has given me so much hope. It's so good to know other people have struggled - but have got there in the end. And I think I'll be enjoying a wine soon!! xxx

Reply
Faye
11/2/2017 03:27:43 am

Thank you Tina. I'll keep on going! Makes me feel so encouraged to know I'm not the only one who has went through the tough times - and got through it. :-) xx

Jen
11/2/2017 10:02:41 am

4 weeks post partum- I could have written this blog word for word! Thank you for making me feel more normal. X

Reply
Faye
11/6/2017 04:46:36 am

Thank you Jen. ❤️ Good luck with your little one - I'm told it does get easier! xx

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.

    Disclaimer: I swear. 

    Archives

    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Blog
  • ME
  • CONTACT