In madness and in health

So this is me. 25 weeks pregnant and rapidly gaining weight by the minute. I feel like a whale but have been reassured by friends and family that I look 'well' - or as someone told me - 'swell'. I'm not quite sure that is a compliment.

This is my first blog post. I wanted to start a blog as soon as I found out I was pregnant but then I thought why would anybody want to read my blog? But as my sister-in-law and her husband said to me recently, 'just do it, if nobody reads it, it can be something to look back at once Bear is here'. (FYI - Bear has nothing to do with Cheryl and Liam's baby, we nicknamed bump Bear right from the beginning.) So I thought - what have I got to lose?

So, with this being my first blog post, I thought I would write (briefly) about my first trimester trials and tribulations and then I will continue to update you daily/weekly as I become more 'swell'.

So here's how I found the first trimester - warts and all....

1. Morning sickness - It should be renamed 'all day sickness'. I was lucky I escaped really bad sickness so I shouldn't complain but the nausea was pretty constant for a few weeks - and even into the second trimester. Things that helped me: Eating dry crackers, Sea Band Morning Sickness Wristbands, sipping water, staying away from strong smells - (such as emptying the rubbish) and lying on the bathroom floor praying the nausea will end.

2. The highs and lows of hormones - I think when my husband said 'I will' to the 'sickness and health' part of our vows, there should have been a footnote to say, 'I will stand by you when you are crazy ass pregnant'. I had - and still have my hormonal moments where I surprise myself at how utterly irrational, mad and emotional I am being. My poor husband has pretty much taken the brunt of these episodes - even though he's been away for two months - he still has the delight of my mood swings hitting him via text or FaceTime. My three most notable hormonal moments are:

1. Must have been about 8-10 weeks pregnant and I was pretty angry. Angry at everything. People annoyed me - especially my husband, who I must add has been nothing but supportive throughout this pregnancy - he really has done nothing wrong to deserve my wrath! So we were in the supermarket and my husband likes to push the trolley really slowly and look at every single thing on each aisle. That day - it felt like THE worst thing he could possibly do to me. I genuinely wanted to cause physical violence towards him - I thought I was going to kill him. However, I decided to scream at him instead and although screaming in his face was an irrational reaction, it carries no jail time, so was the better option. He pushes the trolley at a quick pace these days. 
​2. I was back home staying at my parents and it was late on a Bank Holiday Monday. There was no chocolate in the house. I NEEDED chocolate. I walked up to the local newsagents and that was shut (shit the bed) and my mum and dad had a drink (selfish) so couldn't take me to a garage to help my cravings but it was okay though - my mum suggested having a CEREAL BAR. Yes - A CEREAL BAR. How did I react? I went upstairs to my room and cried for 15 minutes. It was a low point.
3. I would say finally, but there really has been many....I never complain in restaurants, shops, over the phone - I just don't like complaining - however pregnant Faye has no patience. My husband had been out for a drink the night before and I thought I would be nice and drive us to McDonald's to get breakfast. Romance. We waited 30 MINUTES and still no food. However much I tapped my foot and shook my head in disappointment/pregnant rage - they did not hurry. I was pretty mad so I sternly asked for a refund and when I got home (STARVING) I wrote a two-page letter to McDonald's complaining about my experience. I have since received a £10 voucher for doing so. Don't stand in the way of a hungry pregnant lady.

3. ​Tiredness - I work from home so I'm lucky that I'm not on my feet all day - but some days - and especially now as I get bigger, I feel so exhausted that putting my shoes on seems like an effort. Making a human is hard work.
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4. People annoy me - There are a huge number of people popping out the woodwork with their advice or their own experience on being pregnant. The best advice I was given was from my hairdresser - she said 'take on board some of the advice - but put most of it in the fuck-it bucket'. And I stand by that advice too. I am beyond grateful to most of the advice I have been given, which has been amazing - so please keep it coming! But sometimes, when I'm lying with my head in the toilet, feeling sick or have pregnancy rage - I really don't want to hear about how you had 'no sickness with your pregnancy and everything was all rainbows and unicorns'. You get my drift.

5. Weight gain - I have struggled throughout my life with what I will simply call 'issues' with my weight and my body confidence. And although I am 100% blessed and beyond thankful to be having a child - the whole weight gain and changes to my body has had a great affect on me. My breasts look like torpedoes and I can't see my toes. I am growing life and it is beautiful - but I feel fat and unsexy and like I could perform at SeaWorld. And I'm only going to get bigger...

As the second trimester is almost over, I have found these weeks quite wonderful. Less nausea - but more weight gain and an appetite like a Hippo. More energy - but when I feel tired, it hits me like a brick in the face. Other less appealing symptoms, include (I apologise if this is too much information but just being honest) uncontrollable wind and  hair growth in places a woman should not have hair - most notably on my chinny chin chin. I am told to expect haemorrhoids soon - so looking forward to that experience. But what outweighs all of this. Is feeling Bear kick and wriggle. There is no feeling like it. I live for those precious moments. 

My husband has been away for most of my second trimester (a welcome break for him) and will be back as I enter my third trimester. For those who are single mums, military spouses or their partner's work away, you will know how lonely it can be - especially when you're pregnant and even more emotional than normal. But I've had plenty of visitors, our six-month-old puppy Yankee to keep me company - and a constant supply of chocolate so I can't complain - would murder a glass of wine though. 

So that's my first blog post - hope to see you back. And if you have had any similar experiences, would love to hear from you. 

Faye x