Hocus Pocus'd Out

​As much as I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding, I am also very aware of how exhausting it can be. Especially in those early days. And as we have plodded on and come over some pretty big hurdles, now Rafe is 13 months, as I have said previously, it is something I have grown to love and cry every time I think of that last breastfeed we will have. And I almost forgot, with him only nursing morning, before bed and once in the night, (all quite short feeds) how much it can drain you. Not just physically – my boobs resemble a Bloodhound’s ears, my skin is so dry – my feet, my feet look like something from Lord of the Ring’s – I’m basically a mummified corpse. So, yes, physically draining – and mentally too. With Rafe being poorly, he has totally gone off his food (something else to worry about…) so he has been having mammoth nursing sessions lasting over an hour. Which I forgot how hard they can be sometimes. A much-needed comfort and nourishment for Rafe but I think the exhaustion of being up so much in the night with this never-ending cough and cold and nursing for hours on end, I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. Slightly dramatic I know but like I’ve drank that Hocus Pocus potion and my youth has been stolen. Again, dramatic I know. Think I just need a spa day, a full-night’s sleep, someone to pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs, a spray tan, a bottle of wine with friends…Just maybe a few hours where I don’t need to work, take the dog out, feed the baby, change the baby, clean the house, put another load in the washing machine, have a poo in peace - just some me time. What is that?! Urgh, now I feel selfish (damn you mum guilt) as Rafe is a snot monster at the moment and it’s not his fault he’s poorly (NURSERY GERMS) but guess I’m just a bit Hocus Pocus’d out. Can anyone else relate?

So yes. Poor Rafe is still poorly – he is getting better but this cold and damn flipping cough is just lingering on and on. The last cough he had lasted bloody five weeks – honestly if he is ill for Christmas I will cry. Positive thoughts Faye, positive thoughts. I kept him off nursery this week but when he goes back next week (I hope he is well by then) I am honestly dreading what he is going to catch next. Yes, I know it is good for him in the long run and his immune system but the thought of going through another cold, cough, viral rash, if he does get hand foot and mouth, chickenpox…just fills me with absolute dread. I just feel like we haven’t had proper happy Rafe for a while now and just snotty, tired and grumpy Rafe. He came into my bed the other night as was just so snotty and upset and he fell asleep holding my face and although I was so tired and just wanted sleep, it was the cutest thing in the world and although he is poorly and I’m a mummified corpse, it was a precious moment that I needed.

​Oh Lordy, this is turning into a moaning mini post! So…Christmas! Too soon? I know it’s still only November but we have got into the Christmas spirit this weekend and has done us all good. I managed to get tickets for Fenwick’s (department store in Newcastle if you have't heard of it) Santa’s roof top experience. There's a couple of experiences you can do, we chose to watch The Snowman, eat popcorn and drink mulled wine. Also met Santa's elves obviously! Was so lovely. And Rafe didn't try and escape and sat relatively still though was enhaling popcorn for most of it. And Rafe saw his first Fenwick’s window which carried on the Snowman theme which was just magical. My mum and dad took my brother and I every Christmas when we were little so it’s so lovely to carry on that tradition. I also wore make-up for the first time in a long time and even straightened my hair so was nice to feel half human! We are off to see our local Christmas light switch on later so well and truly getting into the Christmas spirit. Can’t wait to eat my body weight in food.

​I thought I had gotten over the stress of what Rafe should wear underneath his flipping sleeping bag but prepare for questions….so it has been getting quite cold in his room at night – going down to about 16 degrees. At the mo he is in a 2.5 tog with a vest and babygrow but I have bought a 3.5 tog but now I don’t know whether that will be too hot for him? Help! When he goes to bed, because the heating is on, it’s normally 20-21 and then gradually drops. I think he might be too hot in the 3.5 straight away – but then don’t want to disrupt him by changing him in the night but guess I could change him mid feed but want to keep him sleepy. HELP!!

Again, a bit of a short one this week. I’m off for my spa day…WHO AM I KIDDING? Need to take the dog out, put another wash in…

Faye x