Hello third trimester!

So I’m now officially in my third trimester. YEY!!!!! I feel like it has come around so fast – yet at the same time, I feel like I have been pregnant for a century. So how am I feeling? I’m starting to feel very pregnant now and can’t believe I still have 12 weeks to get even bigger! I feel pretty big – all bump and boobs – which I described as looking like torpedoes in a previous post – but now resemble two warships. I have been told that when I am breastfeeding they will only get bigger – which I can’t imagine. And it’s not like they are attractive, page 3 model big – like I said, like two warships.

I can’t really bend down now without doing some kind of sumo squat and my back is suffering from all that extra weight. And trying to get to get into a comfortable position when I sleep is like a workout in itself. And I do also feel quite conscious about my weight gain – which maybe sounds a little shallow but seeing your body go through such a massive change and having no real control over it is a struggle for me. I really want to be one of those women who fully embraces all the curves, lumps and bumps, because I do know how blessed I am to be able to carry a child – but I just look in the mirror and see a potato.

But it’s not all doom and gloom! I have been able to feel Bear move so much more – and see the little rascal wriggling around too which is an amazing feeling. It’s all starting to feel quite real now and I feel so unprepared. We have nothing for the nursery yet, a few bits and bobs but no essentials. Been waiting for the hubby to get back (less than a week- AMEN!!!!) to get started so it’s just an empty room at the moment. Although I have a chair for me to sit on when breastfeeding (priorities) and this lovely little bouncer for the baby which lights up and plays music, so no need to panic quite yet. I’ve also started to read Holly Willoughby’s book – Truly, Happy Baby but it makes me realise how clueless I am. But I’m hoping most people feel the same…realistically I think you can only plan and prepare so much, reading all the books in the world but once that baby comes – then that’s when the learning begins. I’m excited though – just have a few nervous butterflies.

I’ve also started doing more hypnobirthing sessions (I have an app on my phone which I listen too). I started in my first trimester but haven’t been religious with them – but as the due date approaches – I plan on doing it more and more. For anyone who knows me, they will know I am a little bit of a stress head and slightly negative (a slight understatement)….although I am determined and have (mostly) remained really calm throughout my pregnancy and haven’t got too stressed out – excluding the pregnancy rage of course. So for me hypnobirthing is just what I need to feel positive – and relaxed during labour. At the end of the day, I may be climbing the walls and screaming the place down – but with hypnobirthing, it is all about visualising a positive, natural labour – which is of course what we all want. I do feel like a bit of a dick saying ‘wonderful birth’ out loud as a way of enforcing this positivity – and I’m not exactly your typical "earth mother goddess" – but I’m determined to dare I say – enjoy the experience. I’m sure there will be some women who have given birth reading this thinking – oh you have no idea pet!

After my 28-week midwife appointment I really started to think about where I wanted to give birth. I was so adamant to start with to have the baby in consultant led hospital – rather than my local hospital which is midwife led. I kept thinking ‘what if something goes wrong?’ and I have to be rushed to another hospital, or I want all the drugs in the world and they're not available to me....but as my midwife said – I should never go into labour thinking that negatively. And I think the natural birth I want (and the statics prove it) will be better achieved in a midwife led hospital. But we will see – no need to make the decision yet. But would appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced both midwife and consultant led births.

Rather than doing a high/low of the week I thought as I hop, skip and waddle into the final stretch, I would let you all know what I have learnt over the first and second trimester....

• Pregnancy rage is real. I don’t think you can really understand what it is like to have the rage until you are pregnant. My mood swings have been – and are, I would say (and sure my husband would agree) irrational, out of control and by far the worst pregnancy symptom I have had. One minute I am crying, the next I’m laughing – then I’m wanting to punch my husband in the face. My husband said to me during one of my rages: “If you know you are being irrational and it is just pregnancy rage, why can’t you just control it?” Needless to say he’s never said that again. It really is something completely out of my control – and keeps everyone around me on their toes!
• Every pregnancy is different. It seems like common sense but what other women look like/are going through in their pregnancy, will not be the same as my own experience. Yes, we may all get the rage or the nausea, but every pregnancy is different so I wish I hadn’t and wouldn’t compare myself to other pregnant women as much. ‘Ooh her bump is tiny,’ ‘She won Wimbledon when she was pregnant,’ ‘why is she glowing and I’m not?’ 'Why does Beyonce look like an absolute goddess after giving birth to twins and I look like a potato?'
• Pregnancy glow (for me) is not real. So apparently, some women have gorgeous hair, nails and ‘glowing’ skin during pregnancy which I have not experienced – unless the glowing skin is sweat dripping down my face after walking up the stairs, then yes, I’ve had pregnancy glow.
• Pregnant tired is like no other tired you have experienced. I know I will have another level of tiredness to come once the baby is here – but pregnancy tired hits you like a brick in the face. First trimester was particularly tough, I felt tired all the time and would have to try and nap if I could. I’ve had more energy in my second trimester but I’ve started to feel pretty tired again at certain points in the afternoon – or if I’m out walking the dog, I can suddenly feel exhausted, even though I now walk like a snail. And it’s not like I have an active job, so women who are on their feet all day – I salute you!
• Despite all the symptoms – it’s an amazing feeling when you feel your baby kick. I think seeing Bear on the first ultrasound and even the 20-week scan, felt for me, like an outer body experience. I could see the baby wriggling around – but it didn’t feel real. Then once you feel those kicks and see those wriggles – it all starts to feel real, like, wow I actually have a baby in there! It's an indescribable, incredible feeling.
• People will (unintentionally) make you feel like crap. I have been lucky as most people have been kind about my appearance and said I look well, or have a neat little bump – but I’ve had a few OH MY GOD YOU ARE MASSIVE comments. Which I know aren’t meant to offend, but they can be pretty annoying and you feel like you just have to grin and bear it. I’ve heard loads of women say they have had so many comments about their size – ‘ooh are you sure it’s not twins?’, ‘or look how big you are’ – or on the other scale, ‘you look tiny – are you eating?’. When would you ever normally go up to someone, who wasn’t pregnant and say – OH MY GOD YOU ARE MASSIVE? Well, you wouldn’t. So why say it to pregnant women? We have enough rage to deal with.

My husband is home next week after a longgggg three months away - so as you can imagine I'm pretty excited. But I do feel sorry for him as he has a list of jobs to complete - and I plan on doing NOTHING while he is home. He will also have to put up with my rage in person. His homecoming would normally mean a military operation to prepare - wax, hair done, spray tan, lose a stone in a week - but he will be lucky if I brush my hair this time.

As always, would love to hear from you about your own experience - and any advice!

​Faye x