Breastfeeding a toddler:
“Ow, you're pulling my hair.”
“Okay, now you’ve just punched me in the face.”
“Why are you upside down?”
“How are you upside down?”
“What’s so funny?”
“You’ve just kicked me in the face.”
“PLEASE DO NOT BITE MY…”
Ahh, remember the days when baby would nurse quietly, so peaceful, then fall asleep? Yup, I’m struggling to remember too.
Breastfeeding a toddler: Also known as – wrestling.
This week Rafe has been a bit of a terror when nursing. In the morning, he’s been his ‘normal’ self and nursed like a dream. But the before-bed feed. Mother trucker. My boobs! My nipples! My face! He’s wriggling all over. He’s coming off my boob. He’s pulling my hair. He’s turning upside down while still attached to my boob. He’s laughing. He’s blowing raspberries. He’s sitting up. And he has bit my nipple a couple of times which is well, not pleasant. I think he must be going through a phase – please tell me this is normal and that it only lasts a few days?!!
Although he seems to be having a party before bed, he is still loaded with cold and still has a pesky cough. He has been fine within himself though, appetite back and generally a happy chappy. Just a bit of a snot monster. (Honestly, his immune system better be like Superman's by the time he is at school). He went to nursery as just had a bit of a snotty nose – but I had major mum guilt as I had to pick him up early. They said he had been happy as Larry but then suddenly got quite teary, wouldn't settle and he had a temperature. I walked in and he was sat just in a nappy (to cool him down) crying and I felt so bad. Like punch in the stomach bad. Firstly, I thought nursery would think I was a bad mum for sending him in the first place – but he was fine that morning, just a bit snotty. Secondly, seeing him upset and he had obviously been crying for me was really tough. I just wanted to scoop him up and cry with him. Just feel like he never quite gets better and then bamb another bloody cold. I had to go back to work – but my dad was around to look after him. It’s just shit sometimes. And getting the balance of, 'well he had to go to nursery, it's good for him to mix with other children, I have to work, I wish I didn’t work, but I do want a career, but I want to spend as much time as I can with my boy, I don’t want other people looking after him, I know it’s good for him not to be with me all the time, I know it’s good for me, I just want to cry'. It just sometimes feels incredibly difficult to be the best mum I can be, as well as wife, 'a working woman', ‘running’ a house, trying to still be 'me', looking after myself – and my baby bump. This quote came into my mind: “we expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.” Sometimes it just feels a bit impossible doesn’t it?
I wasn’t able to speak to my husband for over a week this week which was tough. Although I am distracted and busy, not being able to text – or hear his voice was hard. I think I’m just really hormonal and emotional at the moment too and know hearing his voice always helps. He’s ‘out of reach’ again for about 10 days, but then won’t be long until he’s home and maybe I’ll stop being so emotional...
Bit of a shorter one this week as haven’t had much time to be honest - but I have managed to eat a considerable amount of chocolate and biscuits – so this week hasn’t been too bad. Eating for two right?
Till next time,
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.