So now I really am in the final stretch. Two weeks to go and I'm officially waddling, out of breath, emotional (I cried in Tesco the other week as I didn't know what I wanted to eat for my tea), tired, desperate to clean all day and genuinely feeling like one of the teletubbies.
I'm officially on maternity leave now (hurrah!) - which I thought would never come. So last week I spent my time 'nesting' and making my husband question his choice to marry me...I deep cleaned, so all the windows, scrubbed the carpets - and had my poor husband scrubbing the kitchen cupboards for hours - which he loved - so much. I also ironed all the baby clothes. (This will most probably be the last time this happens.) And the nursery is pretty much done, although we had to get a new radiator, which has decided to leak and come through the ceiling so the plumber will most definitely get pregnancy rage when he comes to fix it today.
I've also had my hair done - waxed (a joyous experience - even more so when pregnant) and I'm genuinely ready for baby to pop out easily, with no pain....I know they say your first baby is normally late, but Christ, if I go over my due date I think I'll turn into a hippo. And also can't imagine being pregnant for another four weeks.
Some of my lovely friends organised my baby shower which was just perfect. I didn't expect to have one to be honest as I wasn't going back to the North East until after baby arrives - but my friends on the patch organised a lovely afternoon of pottery, cakes - and beautiful presents. My mum, best friend, sister-in-law and mother-in-law came up to Scotland which made it even more special. And the presents we were given are just gorgeous. I was so overwhelmed and very emotional - there were tears. But felt so lucky and blessed to have such lovely friends and even more excited for Bear to arrive. It was also lovely to see how excited everyone else was - you get so wrapped up in your own pregnant world of at times, that you forget what joy a new baby brings to other people.
More good news to report as my husband will be around over my due date. So yes - it's all changed....again! The thought of going into labour without him and the risk of him missing the birth was quite scary, so yes I feel so lucky. And I guess I should be used to things changing over and over again but it really has been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions. But - I do feel very lucky as a lot of my friend's husbands are heading abroad which is awful for them. (And I'm sure there have been and will be times my husband will wish he was going abroad...)
As much as my husband has been an absolute legend throughout these past few weeks - he has tested my pregnancy rage. The other week we went to a neighbour's party and he decided to have a 'few' which escalated to a lot and I came home - but he ended up staying (and then coming back home, then heading back to the party and then coming back home - which was fun) and I could hear his drunken voice through the walls, which enraged me like you could not imagine. I was tired and just wanted to sleep and I have no tolerance for drunk people now. (I want to be drunk.) Unbeknown to me, my husband had plugged his phone into my friend's TV to play his music and I was sending him what I will describe as very abusive messages. Which everyone could read. And apparently he kept on playing his music....so my pregnancy rage was projected for all to see. How embarrassing. 😂
So what are my highs and lows of the week?
High of the week: My baby shower.
Low of the week: Although everyone says I look well - I saw photos of myself and all I see is a version of me where I look like I have eaten my pre-pregnant self four times over.
Pregnancy rage: Drunk husband. (A running theme throughout my pregnancy...)
Product of the week: My nursing dress from ASOS I wore to my baby shower.
Exercise: Really not done much - apart from walk the dog every day. No CrossFit or Yoga - but I have Grey's Anatomy to catch up on...
So with two weeks to go - and all my jobs done. I really am trying not to get bored. Any suggestions on what I can do to pass my time? I may clean again....
Due to the unpredictable nature of my husband’s job – it has gone from him not being here on my due date, to 99% sure he will be – to back to him not being here. As you can imagine there has been tears. Turns out he will be away down south (530 miles away) the week of my due date and away the following week, but a little closer to home. So basically the baby needs to come a little earlier – or late. Or it may all work out and as soon as I start feeling niggles, I will ring him and he will race (responsibly - breaking no speed limits) up and make it – which I’m sure he will. I just really want him to be there from start to finish - not sprinting in at the end. But I'm just thinking of the worst case scenario. (Would love a glass/bottle of wine right now.) At least he is in the county as I know a lot of women are having to deal with last-minute deployment to the Caribbean so I know I shouldn't complain. (Sending love ❤️) Just need to keep positive and I’m sure the baby will come when he/she is ready – which hopefully will be when my husband isn’t miles away! Is there anyone else in a similar situation or been in a similar situation? Any advice?
Hit a wall last week. A big fat fed-up wall. I have cried and just generally felt like crap and then guilty for feeling crap so cried again. And then got rage - for no reason. So this is a generally ‘a having a moan post’. I have really bad back pain now which just seems to be down my left side (midwife thinks it could be sciatica) so combined with the weeing every two minutes – I ain’t getting any sleep (I know it’s only going to get worse). I’m just genuinely a bit fed up to be honest. And I feel fat. And it’s lovely to hear comments from others saying I look well – but I just don’t feel it. I can’t roll over in bed without making some kind of groaning pig noise and with the shortness of breath – I just feel like a troll.
I’ve asked to finish early on maternity leave (was going to go at 38 weeks). To be honest, I thought with working from home, I would be able to work even later than 38 weeks but sitting by a desk all day is not helping the back pain. I can’t sit, or even lie down for longer than fifteen minutes without getting shooting pains (woe is me). I think I’d actually be better off having an 'active job' as I don’t feel too bad walking around. But I'd probably be complaining about being on my feet by now....I felt so guilty asking to finish work a week early – which sounds ridiculous but after speaking to my friend, who is a mum-of-two – she said the ‘mum guilt’ only gets worse. And I haven’t even had the baby yet. I guess I feel like because I work from home, I should be working till baby is pretty much popping out – like I should be well-rested and feeling fabulous. But I feel the opposite and worry that others will judge me for it. Which sounds ridiculous – as I shouldn’t care what other people think and maybe it’s a mix of crazy hormones too – but the guilt has started. I really need to stop comparing myself to others. Just because flipping Jeanette from down the road worked up to week 40 and was running around looking fabulous – doesn’t mean I should feel guilty for not feeling like that. Or for needing to finish work early. Or feel guilty for not enjoying being pregnant this week. Don’t get me wrong, it’s had its moments of pure joy – but as I get closer to D-day, it’s just a mix of (excuse me if this is TMI) constipation, excess vaginal discharge, back pain, shortness of breath, peeing every five minutes, no sleep, feeling exhausted, back pain – oh the back pain, crying for no reason and just feeling like a fat, unattractive blob. It’s like being on a rollercoaster of emotions and genuine pain and uncomfortableness, which you want to get off – but it’s never ending. But I’ve got five weeks to go – so I can only imagine it’s going to get better…right?!
We had our final antenatal class this weekend which was all about infant feeding. The one before was about the ‘early days’ after giving birth. So it touched on the delightful first nappy, maternity pads and the baby blues. The midwife played a crying baby audio on her phone and then started passing a doll to each couple saying – 'what would you do?' Which I think we all found slightly traumatic to be honest. We all looked at the baby and then looked at her and then just didn’t quite know what to do. But it was good to see other couples looking as equally terrified as we were. She did say that as soon as your baby comes, you will have that moment of panic but you will know what to do….do you? The infant feeding class was unsurprisingly tailored towards breastfeeding – and again the doll came out, which us women all had to hold and pretend we were trying to get our baby to latch on. Slightly awkward – but they had biscuits on tap during this class so I was pretty happy.
So what are my highs and lows of the week?
High of the week: Knowing that we will have our little arrival next month – or even this month if he/she decides to make an early appearance. (Please don’t be late.) Also, apparently I need to eat 200-300 more extra calories now – pass me the cake.
Low of the week: Just generally feeling very sorry for myself and being over dramatic.
Pregnancy rage: How many times do I actually need to go to the fucking toilet?
Product of the week: Quavers. Give me all the Quavers you have in the shop please.
Exercise: I’ve managed CrossFit once, the gym once and walking the dog every day. It is starting to get very difficult though. We took the dog out yesterday for a walk and I had to stop and sit quite a few times to get my breath. Told you - fat troll.
So I'll try not to be too much of a whinge in my next post.....Oh and still really stuck on girl names so any suggestions would be great!
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.