He’s home! It’s been just over a week since the husband arrived home and I haven’t had too much pregnancy rage towards him.  It’s been lovely having him back – I don’t think you realise how lonely you are until you have someone sat next to you on the sofa again, or to say goodnight to and wake up with them by your side. Even the fact his clothes are lying around every room in the house – does not bother me at all....Since being home, he has decided he wants to grow a moustache - not really a fan to be honest so I 'joked' that I would not kiss him if he had one. He's still growing the moustache.
 
I’m now 30 weeks – which is just crazy. Can’t believe I’ve only got 10 weeks to go. I’m feeling okay, just pretty big and feeling the extra weight so I feel like I’m having to catch my breath even just getting up off the sofa some days. I walk like a snail and although I’m still trying to do CrossFit at least twice a week – a lot of the workouts can be tailored for me, which is great, so still feel like I’m still pushing myself – just nowhere near as much as I could, which can be frustrating. I want to try and exercise as far along as I can but my bump is really starting to get in the way! Not that I’m complaining. One of the good things about getting bigger is that Bear is getting bigger too. The kicks and wriggles are so strong now – and sometimes it looks like I have an alien in my stomach as he/she moves around – which is pretty amazing to watch. He/she must love lying on my bladder as the toilet trips are becoming more frequent and always seems to be just as I am about to fall asleep. Back pain is also keeping me awake at night - so it's a laugh a minute getting to sleep.

We were at our friends house the other night and while I watched people shot tequila and my husband become more annoying – I mean drunk, I thought about what I have missed since being pregnant. It’s easy to know what my number 1 is….

1. Alcohol: I didn’t really miss alcohol for the first few months as the thought of it made me sick, but now I would love a cold glass of white wine – or when we’ve had one nice day in Scotland – a cold beer. Just a couple – or three, not a big night out. Trust me I don't miss the hangovers and waking up thinking - how did I get home last night? Why have I woke up with crisp packets on my head? I was reminded at how annoying drunk people can be when my husband came in at 1am and woke me up. I went downstairs to see if the dog was okay (priorities) and saw my husband on the doorstep swaying. He’d been playing with the dog so I told him to wash his hands (Lord, I sound like his mam) and he thought it would be HILARIOUS to wash his hands in the TOILET. So yeah, I don’t miss being THAT drunk.
2. Coffee: I know they say you can have one cup a day when pregnant but I haven’t had a coffee since I found out. A black, proper filtered coffee would be amazing right now.
3. Rare steak: I don’t get people who eat steak burnt to a crisp so it’s been pretty soul destroying not being able to have a rare steak. I joke that when I get out of hospital after the baby is born, I want a rare steak and a cold glass of wine. Heaven right?
4. Cigarettes: Yes. It’s a disgusting habit – and of course I haven’t smoked since I’ve been pregnant - and will not touch one again. But, as horrible as this will sound to non-smokers, I do miss that first cigarette of the day with a morning coffee.

 
So alcohol, steak, coffee and cigarettes. I was a real pillar of health when I wasn’t pregnant! 

So what has been my high/low of the week?
 
High of the week: Our nursery furniture arrived today, which is pretty exciting. Once it is all assembled - I think that is when it will really start to feel real. And this weekend we are heading back to the North East and going shopping for more baby things with our mums (Grandma and Gran). They’ve already been incredibly generous as this is the first grandchild – so we feel very lucky. Oh and I finally got to spend my pregnancy rage MacDonald's vouchers!
 
Low of the week: Some random man shouted TWINS at me the other day – which I’m happy to say he found hilarious.
 
Pregnancy rage: I think it is obvious that my husband washing his hands in the toilet was prime pregnancy rage material.
 
Product of the week: Bio-oil. Touch wood – I haven’t seen a stretch mark - yet.
 
Advice of the week: 'Don't wish your pregnancy away.' I think once you get closer to the final stretch, well for me anyway, I just want to meet Bear. Find out whether we have a son or daughter. I want to see what he/she looks like. But someone told me to not wish my pregnancy away - to enjoy it as this is such a special time and once the baby arrives - well that's when the real fun begins.

Exercise: CrossFit and plenty of walking. Though really starting to feel more difficult.

Cravings: Anything I can find that is naughty food!

Can't believe my next blog post I will be in single finger countdown, eek! And hopefully, the nursery furniture will have been assembled and my husband will have shaved his moustache....

​Faye x 

So I’m now officially in my third trimester. YEY!!!!! I feel like it has come around so fast – yet at the same time, I feel like I have been pregnant for a century. So how am I feeling? I’m starting to feel very pregnant now and can’t believe I still have 12 weeks to get even bigger! I feel pretty big – all bump and boobs – which I described as looking like torpedoes in a previous post – but now resemble two warships. I have been told that when I am breastfeeding they will only get bigger – which I can’t imagine. And it’s not like they are attractive, page 3 model big – like I said, like two warships.

I can’t really bend down now without doing some kind of sumo squat and my back is suffering from all that extra weight. And trying to get to get into a comfortable position when I sleep is like a workout in itself. And I do also feel quite conscious about my weight gain – which maybe sounds a little shallow but seeing your body go through such a massive change and having no real control over it is a struggle for me. I really want to be one of those women who fully embraces all the curves, lumps and bumps, because I do know how blessed I am to be able to carry a child – but I just look in the mirror and see a potato.

But it’s not all doom and gloom! I have been able to feel Bear move so much more – and see the little rascal wriggling around too which is an amazing feeling. It’s all starting to feel quite real now and I feel so unprepared. We have nothing for the nursery yet, a few bits and bobs but no essentials. Been waiting for the hubby to get back (less than a week- AMEN!!!!) to get started so it’s just an empty room at the moment. Although I have a chair for me to sit on when breastfeeding (priorities) and this lovely little bouncer for the baby which lights up and plays music, so no need to panic quite yet. I’ve also started to read Holly Willoughby’s book – Truly, Happy Baby but it makes me realise how clueless I am. But I’m hoping most people feel the same…realistically I think you can only plan and prepare so much, reading all the books in the world but once that baby comes – then that’s when the learning begins. I’m excited though – just have a few nervous butterflies.

I’ve also started doing more hypnobirthing sessions (I have an app on my phone which I listen too). I started in my first trimester but haven’t been religious with them – but as the due date approaches – I plan on doing it more and more. For anyone who knows me, they will know I am a little bit of a stress head and slightly negative (a slight understatement)….although I am determined and have (mostly) remained really calm throughout my pregnancy and haven’t got too stressed out – excluding the pregnancy rage of course. So for me hypnobirthing is just what I need to feel positive – and relaxed during labour. At the end of the day, I may be climbing the walls and screaming the place down – but with hypnobirthing, it is all about visualising a positive, natural labour – which is of course what we all want. I do feel like a bit of a dick saying ‘wonderful birth’ out loud as a way of enforcing this positivity – and I’m not exactly your typical "earth mother goddess" – but I’m determined to dare I say – enjoy the experience. I’m sure there will be some women who have given birth reading this thinking – oh you have no idea pet!

After my 28-week midwife appointment I really started to think about where I wanted to give birth. I was so adamant to start with to have the baby in consultant led hospital – rather than my local hospital which is midwife led. I kept thinking ‘what if something goes wrong?’ and I have to be rushed to another hospital, or I want all the drugs in the world and they're not available to me....but as my midwife said – I should never go into labour thinking that negatively. And I think the natural birth I want (and the statics prove it) will be better achieved in a midwife led hospital. But we will see – no need to make the decision yet. But would appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced both midwife and consultant led births.

Rather than doing a high/low of the week I thought as I hop, skip and waddle into the final stretch, I would let you all know what I have learnt over the first and second trimester....

• Pregnancy rage is real. I don’t think you can really understand what it is like to have the rage until you are pregnant. My mood swings have been – and are, I would say (and sure my husband would agree) irrational, out of control and by far the worst pregnancy symptom I have had. One minute I am crying, the next I’m laughing – then I’m wanting to punch my husband in the face. My husband said to me during one of my rages: “If you know you are being irrational and it is just pregnancy rage, why can’t you just control it?” Needless to say he’s never said that again. It really is something completely out of my control – and keeps everyone around me on their toes!
• Every pregnancy is different. It seems like common sense but what other women look like/are going through in their pregnancy, will not be the same as my own experience. Yes, we may all get the rage or the nausea, but every pregnancy is different so I wish I hadn’t and wouldn’t compare myself to other pregnant women as much. ‘Ooh her bump is tiny,’ ‘She won Wimbledon when she was pregnant,’ ‘why is she glowing and I’m not?’ 'Why does Beyonce look like an absolute goddess after giving birth to twins and I look like a potato?'
• Pregnancy glow (for me) is not real. So apparently, some women have gorgeous hair, nails and ‘glowing’ skin during pregnancy which I have not experienced – unless the glowing skin is sweat dripping down my face after walking up the stairs, then yes, I’ve had pregnancy glow.
• Pregnant tired is like no other tired you have experienced. I know I will have another level of tiredness to come once the baby is here – but pregnancy tired hits you like a brick in the face. First trimester was particularly tough, I felt tired all the time and would have to try and nap if I could. I’ve had more energy in my second trimester but I’ve started to feel pretty tired again at certain points in the afternoon – or if I’m out walking the dog, I can suddenly feel exhausted, even though I now walk like a snail. And it’s not like I have an active job, so women who are on their feet all day – I salute you!
• Despite all the symptoms – it’s an amazing feeling when you feel your baby kick. I think seeing Bear on the first ultrasound and even the 20-week scan, felt for me, like an outer body experience. I could see the baby wriggling around – but it didn’t feel real. Then once you feel those kicks and see those wriggles – it all starts to feel real, like, wow I actually have a baby in there! It's an indescribable, incredible feeling.
• People will (unintentionally) make you feel like crap. I have been lucky as most people have been kind about my appearance and said I look well, or have a neat little bump – but I’ve had a few OH MY GOD YOU ARE MASSIVE comments. Which I know aren’t meant to offend, but they can be pretty annoying and you feel like you just have to grin and bear it. I’ve heard loads of women say they have had so many comments about their size – ‘ooh are you sure it’s not twins?’, ‘or look how big you are’ – or on the other scale, ‘you look tiny – are you eating?’. When would you ever normally go up to someone, who wasn’t pregnant and say – OH MY GOD YOU ARE MASSIVE? Well, you wouldn’t. So why say it to pregnant women? We have enough rage to deal with.

My husband is home next week after a longgggg three months away - so as you can imagine I'm pretty excited. But I do feel sorry for him as he has a list of jobs to complete - and I plan on doing NOTHING while he is home. He will also have to put up with my rage in person. His homecoming would normally mean a military operation to prepare - wax, hair done, spray tan, lose a stone in a week - but he will be lucky if I brush my hair this time.

As always, would love to hear from you about your own experience - and any advice!

​Faye x

So what it is like being a military wife? I haven’t actually really sat down and thought about this before, I just am one – it does not define me as a person, but it does affect my life a great deal. 

And before anyone says – ‘you knew what you got into’ – well that is not true. At all. I didn’t have a clue. You don’t know until you are crying at the camp gate saying bye to your husband at 2 in the morning as he goes away for five months. FYI -  other things not to say to a military spouse:

1. 'You must be use to him going away now' – Nope you never do.
2. Similar to ‘you knew what you were getting into’ – 'You chose this life, so you can’t complain' – What now?
3. 'Wow, those months have flown by since he went away' – They didn’t.

The list is endless....

I have been a weekend 'WAG', living at home by my family and close friends seeing my hubby on the weekends. I have lived away from home, but not near my husband’s base and saw him at weekends and I have, since we got married last March lived on a married patch. All have their pros and cons.

When your partner works away for weeks, months on end – whatever their job, it can be very lonely. But it does make you appreciate the little things that other couples may take for granted. Like simply sitting and watching a film with your partner cuddled up on the sofa, waking up with them next to you, going to sleep with them beside you – or simply just having someone to talk to when you have had a rough day at work. What I find the most sad - and this may sound so pathetic and we sound like OAP's! But when he leaves, I always put his slippers back under the bed, which you might not believe, but I find so upsetting. Oh and not seeing his toothbrush in the bathroom anymore - the little things that make you realise they are not around. But I do feel lucky that I get to miss my husband. I get to experience those butterflies, like it was when we first met, as he comes through the door after five months away – there’s not a feeling like it. 

The first day, in fact the first week is the hardest. Especially if you have been use to them being around and suddenly the house is empty - but after a few weeks you get into your own routine. I work through the week so that keeps me occupied and I always try and have plans for the weekend - or at least something to look forward too. Even if it is something small, it makes the countdown that little easier. Thanks to modern technology, (although we still write letters when he is deployed for long periods, which I love and feels old-school romantic) depending on where my hubby is, contact can be great (even Facetime every day some weeks) or pretty rubbish and sporadic - no contact for a while and bad signal, so your conversation is mostly one sided with me shouting 'WHAT????' So that's fun! And it is hard sometimes when you have good/bad news - or some gossip - and the one person you want to speak to is unavailable and you need to wait hours - or days to hear from them. Sitting by the phone becomes a past-time and if you miss a call - well holy moly, that feels like a disaster - even when I wasn't pregnant! A glass of delicious, cold wine (I miss wine) once helped in those moments - obviously it's just good old orange juice now. 
 
Being on the married patch it great – you are surrounded by people who know exactly what you are going through and are always around to help. The other day I came home after taking Yankee out for a walk in the wind and rain (hi Scottish summer) to find a little parcel of tablet (like biscuity fudge) through the door from my neighbour. I could have cried with joy – such a lovely though and delicious treat! And then a few weeks I saw one of my neighbours and mentioned I had been poorly that week (nausea had come back with a vengeance) and later that day I found a little parcel of amazing goodies for me on my doorstep, which was so thoughtful and just what I needed. And I will never forget when my husband went away after we just moved up here and my neighbour had been making little cakes with her daughter and they passed me one over the fence the day he left. Gestures like those, especially when your hubby is away really mean so much. So I do love it here - but it can still be lonely. 
 
We were married at the end of March, moved on to the patch a few days later and then my husband was deployed for five months two weeks later. It was supposed be three months, then four – then turned into five. You really can't plan anything as a military spouse - and it's best not to get your hopes up they are coming home home until they are on that plane or five minutes from your door. Those five months were tough but I am lucky in that I met my husband after his fourth operational tour so I have never had to deal with him being away at war. But being away from him can be hard – even more so when pregnant.
 
It’s just the little things like feeling Bear move or kick and he isn’t there. Or going for the 20-week scan on my own (he's been away for most my second trimester). Or having a pregnancy related meltdown and he isn’t here to take the brunt of it all. And a worry of mine (although I’m trying to be calm about it all) is that he will be away from week 36 of pregnancy – until, if the baby is on time, the first five weeks after Bears arrival. He is in the country – he will just be 530 miles away. So when I go into labour it will be a case of me ringing him and saying ‘GET IN THE CAR!’ and hope he makes it on time. I know first-time labour can take time and it is about a nine-hour drive so I’m just hoping Bear stays in till dad arrives. (Although might not be saying that when in labour!) I just don’t want him to miss the birth. I know someone whose husband missed the birth by 30 minutes.  I want him to be there for support and to go through it all with me. And I want him to say – ‘it’s a boy/it’s a girl!’. I want him to cut the umbilical cord. And I want him to be there so we can laugh if I shit myself or cry if the pain is a little too much. But I’m lucky that my mum and dad are on standby (four hours away) so I will (hopefully!) not be on my own through it. And I just need to keep positive and think he will make it. He will make it right?!!
 
So yeah, being a pregnant, military wife is hard. (I could go on and on and on!) But you really do just get on with it. So many women are doing it with far more challenging lives than mine so I’m not complaining, it just can be a bit tough – especially when all you want is a cuddle.
 
As always, would love to hear your own experiences, so comment, share and message me!
Faye x