I feel as soon as I pressed post on my blog last week raving about sleeping through the night - Rafe was almost waiting to go: “I’m going to have your life now mum.” We’ve had total nap refusals where he’s only had one catnap all day. Walking miles in the heat in inappropriate clothing, (how can it be cold one minute, then boiling the next? Welcome to England) screaming matches at bedtime and no repeat of sleeping through the night. Did I actually dream he slept through and napped in his cot? I shouldn’t complain as at least it happened once (I think) – but haway man son, sort it out will you? I texted my husband who has been away for a few weeks and said: “YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING WHEN YOU GET BACK.” Apart from breastfeed – but wouldn’t that be marvellous if he could? So he was obviously excited to come home. But it’s not all negative Nancy this week. Rafe is rolling all over the place after seeming to forget how to do it. Go on son! (And the fun begins!) And I’m sure he said “mama” earlier. So just when the little tinker has you round the bend, he does something to make your heart scream with joy. He did follow it by doing a stinking turd but who said having kids was easy?

Rafe’s got yet another cold and cough so I don’t think that has helped with the sleeping. He was up at 4.30 the other night and would not go back to sleep, which was a treat. Last night, he would not settle for hours afer I fed him at 1am. And then the other morning he woke at 5 and I couldn’t get him back to sleep so I breastfed him, then at around 6.30 he fell back to sleep in my bed. But my mum before she went to work at 7.30 knocked on the door to make sure we were okay and woke Rafe up. Thoughtful - but WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING? But then the other night he slept from 11-4, had a feed then up at 7. So that was a good night. So very much a hit or miss week. Been trying the pick up put down method to settle at night and had some successes – but other times I’ve ended up feeding him to sleep as he just wouldn’t settle at all. But going to persevere with it because when it works it works! I've kept trying to get him down in the cot for the morning nap but the most he has done is 30 minutes – which is still good as at least he’s going to sleep in his cot. He’s settled himself a couple of time – but the other times it's been after at least 30/40 minutes of doing the method and whispering under my breath FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. And the other day he just didn’t nap at all – apart from 30 minutes. I tried cot, pram for almost two hours, back to cot and he just kept blowing raspberries at me. Which was cute but he was wrecked by bedtime. So I hope my post last week did give people hope (it happened once – it will happen again), but I’m well and truly still in the catnap, little sleep club so I’m raising a pint of tequila to you also in the club.

So after exclusively breastfeeding for almost eight months, minus the one successful attempt with a bottle and numerous tries but massive failures after, Rafe has been amazing with taking milk from the MAM starter cup. Any guilt I may have (stupid guilt as know there is nothing wrong with giving formula) has been replaced with relief. Don’t get me wrong, I love breastfeeding but it’s a relief to know that by the time I’ve gone back to work, I should hopefully be able to do combi feeding. So this week I tried dropping a breastfeed (10am feed normally, but have done the lunchtime feed one day) and replaced with formula. I actually went for lunch with a friend and didn’t have to worry about getting my wabs out in the bar and was able to have one glass of wine – during the day! Was flipping marvellous. Now that’s what maternity leave is all about! (And looking after your child of course.) ​Although I don't know whether to get too excited as I thought my boobs had adjusted well to the dropped feed but woke up yesterday morning in pain and can feel a blocked milk duct so having to massage, massage, massage and nurse more so having to breastfeed all feeds again. I have made an appointment at a walk in centre today as pretty sure it has turned into mastitis as in a lot of pain. Fucking marvellous. So kind of feel like I'm back to square one.

I’ve started introducing more finger food and not blending his food as much to add texture, which Rafe seems to be fine with. I made spag bog with baby pasta and he was a bit unsure at first but wolved it down. He absolutely loves toast (I cut into soldiers) and these organic banana biscuits which I dip in fruit puree. But I have absolutely know idea whether I’m feeding him the right amount – or if I should be feeding him more. Whether I should be adding more protein, fat, carbs...I roughly follow a guide in Annabelle Karmel's book but I had a panic that I should be doing more with his food. Don’t ask me what I mean by this – I just had a panic I was doing it wrong! But as he’s getting older and I’m thinking he may need to drop a milk feed as he is literally a tank, how much food should I be giving him? I use those food ice cube trays so normally one portion of that per meal. So an example day would be: breakfast – half a Weetabix with banana and cows milk and normally he has a crust to dip in, lunch – lentil puree and a fruit puree with an organic rice cake thingy, tea – spag bog and a chunk of cucumber to suck on and a yogurt. And all his milk feeds on top of that and now he's eating three meals a day, I don't know whether that's excessive. Or is it not enough? Or do I up the quantity of solids I'm giving and try to drop the lunch feed? Help!

Has anyone else’s baby become an absolute ninja when feeding? He’s always been quite nosy when feeding which is another reason I don’t feel confident feeding in public as he literally whips off my nipple and the whole world gets eyes on. But now he’s literally doing summersaults, twisting around , chatting away- it’s literally a struggle to keep him still! The only feeds he stays still is the one before bed and during the night. I presume it only gets worse when they get older?!

From all that worry about Rafe not rolling over, I literally looked away on Friday and he was half way across the room. Someone said that would happen - blink and he's rolling all over! Need eyes in the back of my head now. This is when the real fun starts isn't it? So proud of the little man but also scary how fast he is growing up. Where's my teeny baby gone?

Only two more weekends till Bongo Bingos (I need to sort my hair out) - also known as the first time I will be drunk since December 2016. No joke. Can't wait!!! Are you excited to hear how I handle a hangover?! Me either..

Until next week...

Faye x

Those who have been reading my blog for a while, I suggest you sit down before reading this. I am about to write something I have dreamt about writing for a long time. It may shock you. RAFE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME. I know. Shut the front door. AND he napped in his cot for ONE HOUR TEN MINUTES. ONE HOUR TEN MINUTES. I cried. For a serial catnapper and baby who has never slept through the night this is what I imagine it feels like to win a Gold medal. Did I sleep through? Did I have a productive one hour while he napped? Nope. Kept waking up to see if he was okay and kept saying to myself: “He's still asleep. He’s still asleep. I can’t (insert appropriate swear word) believe he’s still asleep.” And during the nap I pretty much held my breath and starred at the monitor the whole time. I mean he’s never repeated either again so I am frantically trying to retrace my steps to see what I did differently to achieve such a miracle. So what did I do? Whiskey on the gums. JOKES. Gin. JOKES...

So this week has been a mix of first times – and same old same old times. Although we’ve had nap success and a full night’s sleep for Rafe. AMEN. We’ve still had nights of multiple wake-ups and total nap refusals. But the one thing that has been consistent and I think has helped, is getting him to self-settle at bedtime again. It was tough to begin with – took at least 40 minutes. I used the pick up put down method https://www.netmums.com/baby/sleep-training-techniques---pick-up-put-down but tailored it to how I know Rafe settles. So I did the whole pick up when he was crying. And when I’d popped him down once he’d stopped crying (sleepy/awake) and he wasn’t settling I’d tap his back (he settles on his side, I know they advise babies to sleep on their backs till they are one but since he’s been in his big boy cot I can’t stop him rolling over!) and say “it’s sleep time now”. I’d then sit next to his cot and basically wait for him to fall asleep – and settle him if needed but always putting him back down once he’d stopped crying. Or if he was just being a bit fussy but not crying I’d just try and leave him to it. But never leaving his side. Like I said it took a while the first time but as the nights went on the time it took to settle was shorter. Last night he just needed a little shush and he was down within ten minutes. Hurrah! I’ve still had to settle him a bit in the night if he wakes and has fed, but that’s more for my own sanity and to get back to sleep as soon as possible! And he seems to love waking up at 5.30 but I can’t have it all can I?! But the night he slept through, I got him down using the pick up put down method and through the night if I heard him stir, I just quickly put Ewan the sheep on and held my breath. (He's still in with me as at my parents until we get our house sorted) I woke up every couple of hours and checked he was okay, as the time got closer to morning I started to think something must be wrong but he was just knocking out z'ds like a pro. So he went from 6.30 to 6. Imagine of I’d just slept! I woke up just before 6 and I was so scared to check the time but I knew from the raging pain in my boobs that it must be past 4am. I had to go to the sink and express some milk as they felt like they were going to explode. Then the little champ woke up! And I cried out of joy. He’d hardly napped during the day so don’t know whether he was just really tired but I'm hoping it’s a sign of things to come! Hanging on a thread of hope here as last night wasn't great but still bloody chuffed he slept through! I wish I could give everyone a miracle method I used but I literally did nothing special – apart from self-settling. And I’m hardly no sleep guru - or gloating - as he’s only done it once but those who have been reading my blog for a while – it’s a bloody achievement isn’t it? I would say self-settling is maybe the key though. I know getting baby to self-settle is as fun as sticking pins in your eyes but I’d give it a go. Just requires patience and make sure you have tequila on standby.

Another mum and reader of my blog advised I listen to a podcast https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/category/naps/ about naps which I did on one of my many walks in the pram this week. It was quite an eye opener. Although it did repeat a lot of what I’d read from my furious googling at 2am, it really honed in on stopping sleep associations, the science of sleep and trying to get your child to settle themselves. And spoke about routine – so trying to get baby to nap in the same place everyday. Which can be hard but I thought I’d try to get him to always have his early morning nap in his cot. So instead of going in with the normal attitude of “fuck this is never going to work" I popped him in his sleeping bag and said “it's nap time now.” He screamed and rather than getting stressed the fuck out, I just did the pick up put down method, sat next to him and shushed, pattered his back and although it took over half and hour – he bloody fell asleep! Without much intervening from me. So I snuck out, had a quick cup of coffee and expected him to be awake in 30 minutes. Nope. 40 minutes nope. This can’t be happening. One hour and ten minutes. I was walking around the house thinking what the actual fuck? What sorcery is this?! Literally never happened since he was a teeny tiny tot. Again I’m not gloating here - it’s genuine disbelief, hence I’ve written a while paragraph about it!! So again, it’s not like this is happening everyday – but I just flipping hope it’s a sign of longer naps. Like now I know he can do it. I’ve still had to walk for miles in the afternoon to get him to sleep in the pram but swings and roundabouts and all that jazz. So again, it’s not like I can say I'VE CONQUERED NAPS!! I wish I could. But I hope it gives people some hope that my serial catnapper, pram lover, managed an hour in the cot. Please do it again son.

I’ve been reading about the nap transition from 3 to 2 naps. I mean I don’t think it’s going to overly difficult as it’s not like he’s a great napper and sleeps three naps everyday but just wanted to see how people manage it? There’s been times this week that he hasn’t had his middle nap so I thought he might be ready but you can see he’s so tired. And some days between naps if he hasn’t had the middle nap it’s been four hours between naps and he’s wrecked. So if you’ve gone to two naps a day – when do you tend to do them and how do you manage if baby still catnaps? Oh, and how many months was your baby when you dropped the third nap?

Another success was taking 6oz from a new cup. The Tommee Tippee sippy cup is good for water but quite messy so thought I’d try a MAM starter cup with soft non-spill spout and he latched on and took it better than he ever took a bottle. I couldn’t believe it! It helps he can feed himself I think - and he can chew on the teat if he wants - and he just seemed to be quite comfortable with it. I don’t know whether it’s because the teat is quite big maybe – don’t know what that says about my nipples haha! He did get quite fussy near the end and wanted me to feed him and had about 4oz but when my mum tried he took 6oz really well. I'm going to keep trying everyday for the 10am feed and see how we get on. So Rafe's been a bit of a legend this week. Kind of…It's like he is teasing me of what he can do - just no consistency. Like yesterday, he pretty much refused all naps. How very unreasonable of him.

So sorry, I know I haven't exactly solved sleep or naps but maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel for us sleep deprieved mums. Even if it just happened once...it means it will happen again right?! GOOD LUCK! Sending virtual wine and patience to anyone attempting self-settling. It’s fucking emotional x
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P.s Rafe has got my death stare down to a tee!!

As we get closer to me going back to work, I do worry about Rafe - and getting him off the boob. My goal to start with was to reach six months’ - now I think I’d quite like breastfeed till he is one. But I know that will be difficult when I’m at work so know I’m going to have to try and introduce a bottle/cup again soon. So I'm thinking feed him when I can/in the morning and bedtime feeds. But don't know if that will be possible as worried about my milk supply completely drying up. What is everyone's experience of breastfeeding and going back to work? I also keep thinking I should have dropped a couple of feeds by then but he still wants food and the same amount of milk feeds at the moment. I know I mentioned it in earlier blog posts but I really just don’t know when to drop a feed, which one and how to go about it. I was thinking either the 10am - or lunchtime feed?? (I know they say milk is still the most important up until they are one so not in a hurry - more for a guide). We tried a bottle again and he had 3oz but just bites the teat more than drinks from it. He’s really good with the sippy cup (with water in it) so don’t know whether to just use that and pop expressed milk/formula in that as people have previously suggested. He’s still quite messy with it and I feel like it would take about an hour to drink from! Has anyone avoided bottle and went straight to cup? And if so, how did you manage say a night feed if you were having a few drinks (the first girls’ night out at Bongo Bingos is at the end of June!) and using a cup? Or did you just try a bottle then? Another mum contacted me and said she tried the bottle with the dream-feed, when baby was still half asleep and that worked so that may be worth a go.

You know you must look pretty rough when a mum at a baby class laughs hysterically, with a hint of fear, when she says her baby has slept through the night since six week's old and she doesn’t know what she’d be like if she didn’t – and you reply: “You'd look like me.” So as you can probably tell – we haven’t had major sleep breakthroughs. On the plus side I’ve walked 30 miles this week – so could pretty much eat a whole pack of custard creams every day and not feel guilty. And Rafe, although he has been having raves in his cot at 2am – he’s learnt a new skill where he presses his lips together like a fish and makes a smacking sound. So those few minutes of cuteness overload and joy outweighs the fact I probably caused a woman to have loose bladder control from laughing so much at my tired face.

We are still very much in the 30 minute nap club – and I can only can get him to sleep in the pram. I did try just letting him fall asleep in my arms and that did work after galloping up and down to rock him to sleep for half an hour but he woke up after 25 minutes and I couldn’t get him back to sleep, even though he was still tired. Another mum suggested that maybe 30 minutes is all Rafe needs and I think on some days, you can see that all he wanted and needed was a little catnap but more often than not – when he wakes up he is still so tired and is wrecked by bedtime. Or maybe I need to watch his tired cues more closely as he may be able to stretch longer than two hours between naps now. Arghh. I never thought I’d write so much about fucking naps!!! I remember reading a book when I was pregnant and it had a lovely little pie chart, detailing when baby would be awake and when baby would be asleep throughout the day. One hour in the morning, two hours over lunch – and I’d be thinking, ooh how lovely. I’ll be able to have a nap myself (when does that ever happen!), do some cleaning, a work-out, have a hot cuppa (the dream). There was no pie chart about walking 30 miles a week to get your baby to sleep – and some days he only has ten minutes. I don’t mind the exercise but I also wouldn’t mind just being able to actually sit down during the day. But hey ho. Quite a few people have suggested bringing the pram in the house so might try that. Sometimes I feel like I have tried everything from self-settling techniques, white noise, in the pram, cuddling to sleep but nothing seems to work. And I sometimes think I must be doing something wrong. I did read on a Facebook group, other mum's saying their little one's were serial cat nappers and one day they just started to sleep longer. So I live in hope. I’m also going to take people’s advice and try not to stress so much about his sleep and hopefully it will just happen naturally. I’m sure Rafe can probably sense I’m not overly relaxed when trying to get him to sleep so will try and be less Faye and more Zen like. Namaste.

His sleep through the night has been a bit of a disaster this week as still has a bit of a cough, is teething (but no tooth has popped up yet – come on fucking tooth!) and he has been so windy the last week or so. Really trapped wind and he proper cries when he lets out some big pumps. Has anyone found since introducing solids that their baby is extra pumpy? He just doesn’t seem to be able to do long stretches anymore and I’m having to settle him again before I go to bed and through the night. Also can take up to three hours to get him back to sleep - wind and he wants a cuddle. I tried the pick up put down method people have been recommending last night and was as bit of a test but he did eventually settle. Just not through the night but will persevere. But he’s just feeding once in the night now so boobies have a little break.

Rafe still flat out hates tummy time and is still not rolling over. Even though he’s done it numerous times before! Although never back to front. I think he may be a bum shuffler rather than a crawler. Does anyone else’s baby hate tummy time and is not rolling over? I do worry that he’s stopped rolling over but at the same time – he’s sitting up on his own now really well and he is little chatterbox. As I said before, he loves smacking his lips together and copies you when you do it. He’s also learnt he can grab the side of the cot and pull himself along. So it can be a bit of a party cot at night - which is very cute - but I kind of also want sleep too.

Husband’s away for a couple of weeks so it’s so hard for him being away from Rafe – I think he’s most probably relieved to be away from me though. Jokes....We are in the process of getting a mortgage and also viewing houses so it’s a bit stressful trying to sort things out without him here. Especially as I may need to make the decision on my own if I see a house I love. But he fully trusts my judgement – as I would do his....🙈 But it’s exciting – just obviously not the most chilled out person right now. If I ever am!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend and remember you’re all fucking fabulous!

Faye x

You know it’s going to be the start of a rough week when your baby has a turd in the bath. There was me like, "oooh look at you making bubbles in the bath". Nope, that would be a big turd. As well as bath-time memories to treasure this week, (one for Rafe's 18th!) we’ve had sleepless nights – TEETHING and Rafe's decided he can’t self-settle anymore. Oh and how can I forget? Absolute nap refusal`s to the point I actually walked almost 8 miles one day to get him to sleep. Did he sleep? Nope. He had ten minute`s nap all day. Send help. And wine. And tequila. And stock up that biscuit tin.

So the poo in the bath was probably quite a highlight of the week to be honest. It’s been a bit of a challenge. The poor champ still has a bit of a cough that keeps him up at night and we are full blown teething at the moment. His cheeks are so red and like clockwork he wakes up between 10-11pm and screams and has his fingers in his mouth. Feel so so sorry for him. Nursing more seems to comfort him – and Calpol the champion of champions ​(all hail calpol). So I’m walking around with toothpicks in my eyelids at the moment. Rafe just wants the boobs or a cuddle to fall asleep so self-settling has gone out the window. Which is understandable and I love a cuddle but I think I’ve reached the stage of being so exhausted I don’t know any different. Like an actual walking zombie, with dry shampoo in her hair and questionable facial hair.

Speaking of facial hair. This week I thought I really need to sort myself out. I looked in the mirror the other day and I looked like a caricature of a sleep-deprived mum. I hadn’t washed my hair in days. My maternity tracky b's had Rafe's breakfast on them, I had on my well-supported nursing tops (ha) and my husband’s hoody. I literally looked a mess. And it was so hot outside and I had major sweaty under boob. So I had a word. Again. I’ve decided that I am going to try and not look like the bird lady from Home Alone 2 every day and I was going to try and make more of an effort. Don’t get too excited – I won’t be glamming it up every day – I never did that before I had Rafe, never mind now. But I’ll brush my hair, put away the maternity leggings (the loves of my life), although I can’t quite ditch the nursing tops yet. As it’s been hot weather again, I realised I can’t sweat it out in a hoody, I even treated myself to a maxi skirt and a couple of new tops. I’m a new woman! I guess if I feel like I look half presentable, I will feel much better myself. I’m not quite going to be putting on the lippy everyday but I’ll give my hair a brush and keep the moustache at bay.

Naps. The fucking kryptonite. So it’s not like Rafe has ever been a good napper but this week he’s pretty much not napped at all. Not in the cot. Not in my arms. And not even in the pram. My go-to saviour when everything else has gone tits up. Normally he would take no more than 15 minutes to fall asleep in the pram but now it’s up to an hour an hour and a half. No joke. And it’s not like I’m missing the tiredness cues or that he’s not tired – or over-tired when I start to get him to nap. (Well I think anyway). I’ve literally been walking miles. I’ve been walking miles and miles a day to try and get him to sleep and no joy. I walked for almost 8 miles one day and he only had ten minutes. Ten whole minutes. (Not complaining as it`s been amazing weather and it saves me pretending I`m going to go for a run.) I also tried to get him to sleep in the cot but that’s just an epic in itself. I even tried to lie next to him on my bed to comfort him but he just kept hitting me in the face. I’m hoping this is just a phase. I guess I’ve just been plodding along hoping he will just miraculously nap well but maybe I need to try and do some kind of sleep training. Or push awake times as maybe he can stay awake longer. Who fucking knows. If anyone can offer any hope/miracle, I’m all ears.

I can’t believe Rafe is seven month’s old. Sometimes I can`t quite believe I have a son. I sometimes have to catch my breath as I just cant't believe how much I love the little tinker.

Rafe said his first words the other day. Well I say first words, I know he doesn’t know what he’s saying yet but he keep repeating “dada" which is literally the cutest thing in the world. ​(Say "mama" next please.) ​He`s coming on so much but is still refusing to roll over and lies flat when doing tummy time in protest. Proper little radgy pant some days – don’t know where he gets that from...

Hopefully next week I will be writing about how Rafe has become the nap King and has slept through the night. I live in hope! Enjoy the sun and the rest of the bank holiday weekend. It’s very different to when I used to go out on an all day sesh to Whitley Bay on a Bank Holiday Monday. Those where the days! Wouldn’t change it for the world but wouldn’t mind a few or 10 cold pints right now...

Faye x