Rafe: "Where to Elijah?"
\nElijah: "2021."
\nKind of feels like we are in a film and none of what is happening is real doesn't it? Trying to stay positive and just so thankful husband is still around (for now - he is on call) though also pictured hitting him with a pan a few time. Started off with good intentions on Monday, work out with Joe Wicks everyday, crafts with the kids, baking, limited TV/ipad time, healthy eating - and although I'm loving getting out the house for that daily walk while shouting loudly that it is my one exercise for the day, the week peaked at Tuesday after Rafe ate a crayon (he had pink poo the next day), no eggs or flour anywhere to bake, Joe Wicks's workout on Monday destroyed me for the week (is it really for kids?!), iPad is my best friend and I have eaten 500kg of chocolate....
\nHow is everyone else doing? How are you entertaining a toddler - babies/children - without needing wine at 11am?!
\nSeriously though, I know so many people who wish they could be at home eveyday and can't at the moment. Times like this really bring out the worst - but also the absolute best in people. Thank you to everyone who is still working and looking after us. Heroes. ❤
\nLots of love to you all. X
\nP.s Wine anyone?

I'll probably be just posting on my Instagram and Facebook pages for now so give them a follow if don't already!

I’ve sat up with you till I hear the morning song,
And will sit with you forever, I’ll keep you strong,
Place your hand in mine, I’ll keep you safe,
Even when the world feels like the scariest place,
Let me scoop you up, I’ll wipe those tears away,
I’ll make you laugh, smile, I promise I’ll always stay,
In your heart.

So remember when you have a family of your own,
And you see it’s your mum again ringing your phone,
Remember how I sat with you the whole night long,
I won’t stop being your mum even when you leave home,
A mother’s love lasts a lifetime, even when I am gone,
I held you in the night and through the crack of dawn,
And will do forever, I will always be your mum.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. ❤ WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.
​..

Rafe: "Think we should let mum get some sleep Little Oz."
Elijah: "Ok mate, leave it with me......."

It’s like I have a different baby. Don’t get me wrong Elijah can still can cry like a drill but in the last week he has started to sleep so much better. And yes it’s only been a week but in sleep terms that’s a lifetime! I would say for four solid months it’s been horrendous (no exaggeration) so 7 days of some stretches of 4-6 hours is an actual miracle. These few months it’s been a mix of hourly wake ups, literally no sleep, having him co-sleep most nights, no time in the evening to do anything but settle him, crying – both of us. It’s just an exhaustion that nobody can really prepare you for. We hit a real low when we were away in the Lakes for a long weekend. He did have a viral rash and was obviously unsettled from being away but he literally screamed for three nights solid. Like SCREAMED. No lie. I had three hours sleep over three nights and just had to sit with him in my arms. I really felt at breaking point and really didn’t know what to do. And I just kept doubting myself – what am I doing wrong? I was running on empty and felt desperate. But thankfully, things have taken a turn for the better. I wish I could say this is what I have done - it will work for you. And I'm aware 7 days of better sleeping doesn't make me a sleep guru and it all could change but still wanted to share what I have done that may have helped. I honestly can't put my finger on the exact thing – it could be a number of things. He’s still not exactly sleeper of the year but compared to the constant wake ups he’s soooooo much better. Best night he went down at 7, (cuddled to sleep), did wake up an hour later but settled him, slept through till 1am, had a feed, then back down till 6.15. If anyone who has been following my blog/social media you will know this was like a lottery win. (Though Rafe did wake at midnight and need settling and the bloody dog decided to bark and wake me up but hey, you can’t win them all!).

So here’s some of the changes I’ve made...

• So after the horrendous weekend away, the following week I did try and leave Elijah to cry when I first put him down. I just went downstairs and tidied up and hoped he settled. He did start to settle on his own but he was still waking up as normal through the night, I didn’t feel like it helped in anyway to leave him to cry (never for a long peroid of time) but maybe it has taught him to self settle a little. But to be honest and no judgement on anyone who has done the crying out method, it's just not for us. If he cried and then starting sleeping through the night then I might be saying different but it just doesn’t work (for us) and I just don’t like leaving him for too long - especially as it makes no difference to how he settles. I can leave Rafe to have a little cry for 5/10 minutes as I know he will be down in a flash and he’s ok, but Elijah is on another level and think he would cry for hours until he got his own way. (It’s the hair!) So I just end up crying myself to be honest so it’s just not worth it, I know it’s worked for other people though. I still have to leave him to cry while I put Rafe down and read to him as it just unsettled Rafe when Elijah was in with us. And it’s only ten minutes and not much I can do as Rafe likes his story time on his own. We read one book all together then I have to read 300 more in his room. ANOTHER ONE, ANOTHER ONE! Again just to stress - no judgement on the crying out method, it just doesn't work for us!
• So we also went to see a cranial osteopath two weeks ago. I was desperate to be honest and treat the appointment like she was going to be some kind of sleep guru who would click her fingers and he would sleep 8 hours. Don’t get me wrong, she was amazing and it was fascinating to watch her and was so relaxing - for both of us! She also gave some good advice and having a follow up appointment this weekend. But it was only one session and then that night he was in hospital with croup and poorly and even more unsettled at night so I didn’t see an improvement straight away – but no fault of the osteopath. And plus was only one session! So I don’t want to say – it’s not worth it/you need to go see an osteopath as like I said, only had one session but glad we went. But maybe it has helped with a mix of other things too?
• So a week yesterday after finally decorating Elijah’s room after the roof leak and replacement, he went into his own room. It was a mix of emotions, I was excited to see if he would settle better but also I was really emotional as I’ve had him literally next to me for 8-months. And it’s another milestone that hits home how fast time is going. And as much as co-sleeping can be challenging, (hello back ache and sleeping with no quilt and hanging off the bed) the moments where he would reach out and grab my hand or touch my face and fall asleep were precious and I knew I’d miss those. So...I cuddled him to sleep and he slept ok considering it was his first time in a new room. One big thing that I think maybe has helped is that when he was next to me, if he woke up, I’d rush to him straight away and most of the time just pop him on my boob, even though he probably wasn’t hungry but I knew it would settle him. He also only really feeds off one boob per feed, unless it’s before bed so I got in the habit of being so exhausted I’d give one boob then just fall asleep, then he would wake for another boob. But now I physically have to get out of bed and wake myself up, I offer both boobs and so he is only waking up once during the night for a feed. Which I can’t quite believe.
• I think with Elijah being in his own room, I sometimes can’t hear him when he stirs slightly and he is settling himself to sleep whereas if he was in the cot in my room, I’d just bring him in the bed as soon as he stirred or if he was in my bed I’d just stick a boob in his mouth. And he isn’t being disturbed by me either so that must help. He is also confidently rolling everywhere now so he can get comfy on his front - or back and not cry if he gets 'stuck'.

It’s so hard as I would read so much about babies and sleep and Google the shit out of sleep programs and then I’d read about babies sleep being developmental and how they will sleep better when they are ready. And when they’re ready to go into their own room. And I forgot that Rafe eventually settled better as I was just so locked into the exhaustion with Elijah and I felt like waiting for this to happen, well it was never going to happen. I wanted miracle cures! Maybe it is all just a case of time with Elijah, or a mixture of all these changes have helped. And like I said earlier, it could all go tits up next week but right now I’m just holding on to this week for DEAR LIFE and hoping it continues. I’m sorry that I haven’t given definitive, life-changing answers but I hope I’ve given some hope!

Cripes, I’ve written a lot here. I could write another blog post on my absolute dread about going back to work, how Rafe is just a joy right now and how I wish I’d done more pelvic floor exercises but I’ll leave it here for now. Massive thank you for everyone sharing all their own experiences and advice with me, it has helped so much.

Till next time,

​Faye x