1. ARE YOU GOING TO TRY FOR ANOTHER?
Hang on love, I’m currently sat on a rubber ring with my vagina doing an impression of James and the Giant peach, I’d rather not have sex again thanks.
2. ARE THEY A GOOD BABY? DO THEY SLEEP WELL?
What is a ‘bad’ baby? Also, ‘sleeping well’ does not equate a good baby – most newborns don’t sleep so we don’t need the extra guilt of – what am I doing wrong?
3. SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS
One I always wish I could do, but one that seems impossible.
4. BABY DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE YOU!
Another kick in the giant peach love, thank you. Well aware I’ve done all the hard work but baby comes out looking the spit of their dad - who has useless nipples might I add.
5. HAVE YOU TRIED PUTTING THEM DOWN DROWSY OR AWAKE?
HAHAHAHAHA what is this wizardry you speak of?
6. SO YOU'LL WANT A BOY/GIRL NEXT TIME?
Nope, if we are lucky to be able to have or want another baby then as long as baby is healthy we will be happy. (Cue looks of disbelief).
7. OH WE HAD NONE OF THIS WHEN I HAD A BABY AND WE MANAGED!
Yes, but you also used to put whiskey on baby's gums to help them to sleep so things change hun.
8. YOU LOOK TIRED!
I'm aware I resemble the bird lady from Home Alone but don’t need reminded.
9. YOU'LL MAKE A ROD FOR YOUR OWN BACK!
What by holding my baby too much? Co-sleeping? Boobing baby to sleep? Doing whatever I can to get some sleep or make baby feel safe? Rod my back up then pet!
10. YOU'VE GOT YOUR HANDS FULL!
No shit Sherlock, make me a cuppa then.
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.