1. THERE IS NO CHILL
Sitting down to have a hot cup of tea is a pipe dream as from 5am, 6am if you’re lucky, you are on your toes running after two little people with zero boundaries or fear – and zero chill. They don’t stop. Ever.
2. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ‘ADULT’ TV
Your life is Moana, Mr Tumble, Bob the Builder, YouTube videos of other people’s kids opening a Kinder egg toy. There will be a Disney song or theme tune in your head right now. CAN HE FIX IT? YOU BET YOUR LIFE HE CAN.
3. SNACKS FOR DAYS
They need feeding constantly, like two bodybuilders in training. Just when you think they can’t still be hungry, they want another snack.
4. CONSTANTLY SHOUTING ‘DON’T DO…'
Don’t climb up there. Don’t hit the TV. Don’t bite. Don’t eat mud, stones, dog hair. Don’t say that naughty word mammy just said. It’s a constant battle to keep your toddlers from injuring themselves and their first words being a swear word.
5. OH, THEY’VE BANGED THEIR HEAD AGAIN
If one hasn’t fallen off something or tripped over or banged their head at some point today – it’s a good day.
6. RING SIDE AT WWE
Two toddlers inevitably means having to break up wrestling matches daily. Some days you feel like you are ring side watching two WWE superstars.
7. WILD AND FERAL
You go from never wanting to tame their wildness and freedom – to wrestling a questionable lump of 'mud' out of their hands while you chase them in a mix of rage and wonder at how fast little legs can run.
8. SLEEP ISN’T AN OPTION
If one is sleeping great, the other one won’t be and just when you think you’ve turned a corner another sleep regression hits you in the face.
9. YOU MISS MILESTONES
You miss important milestones of one toddler as you’re too busy trying pull the other off a chair, a table, the kitchen bench.
10. THEY’RE INTENSE
Toddlers are fearless, wild and at times, the most annoying little people you will ever meet – but they can be loving – fiercely loving. When they stop for just a second to give you a cuddle, you are reminded you don’t want to run away and life with two toddlers can be tough – but you wouldn’t change a thing. Well maybe eating mud.
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.