1. I’M FINE
The first few days of lack of sleep and you are running on adrenaline and coffee and weirdly think that you could climb Everest if you didn’t feel like you have sand in your eyes.
2. OBSESSIVE GOOGLING
Now baby or toddler is awake and you’re shushing or singing Twinkle Twinkle for the 50th time, you have time to google. ‘Is there a four-month sleep regression?' Short answer: Run for your life. ‘Sleep programmes for babies.’ ‘Why is my toddler an a-hole?’ ‘Will I ever sleep again?’
3. THAT’S IT, I MEAN BUSINESS
Are you even a mum if you haven’t stormed into the bedroom and thought right – this is it! YOU WILL NOT BEAT ME. Then ultimately they win every time. What? You want a drink of water? You want to come into my bed? Ok, come on darling child.
4. DO ANYTHING TO GET SOME SLEEP
Before kids: ‘I will never let my child sleep in my bed.’ Erm, ok. After kids and desperate for sleep – YOU DO ANYTHING. Sleep on the floor, the chair, upside down, do an ancient sleep dance at 2am to see if that works.
5. EYEBALL COFFEE
6. TWO HOURS IS A DREAM
Pre-kids, a rough night was 6-hours sleep – after kids, 2 hours and you wake up ready to climb a mountain, playing the Rocky theme tune.
7. REALITY CHECK
'Oh but these really are the best days of our lives,' as baby holds you face while they sleep then two hours later you are kicked in the face.
8. HUSBAND HATE
Isn’t it incredible that man has evolved to be able to sleep through a baby crying, a toddler shouting about Thomas the Tank engine at 2am and a woman on the edge, ready to divorce them if they snore any louder? Incredible really.
9. LIFT HEAD OFF PILLOW
Just when you think you can’t do another night of no sleep and lift your head off the pillow, you can and you do.
10. IT’S NOT FOREVER
It’s tough. Like, down to the bottom of your soul tough. But whatever regression or phase they are going through, it does end. I think they say you don’t sleep for the first four years of your child’s life so you know, one day we will sleep again. Seriously though, be kind to yourself. PLEASE ASK FOR SUPPORT. Exhaustion has a way of creeping up on you so never be ashamed to say you need help. And we’ve all kicked our partners ‘accidentally’ in the night harder than we ‘meant to’.
Royal Marine Wife. Mum to Rafe.